Cheyenne

TW! 18+ This is my safe place
26yrs, female

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

Back in my diet pills era ✌️

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

I think I might start smoking cigarettes again. I would rather be dead then continue to gain weight. Its easier to ignore hunger with a cigarette.

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

I miss cigarettes so much

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

Im going to buy a new scale today. I know hubby won't be the happiest but whatever I need to know and I checked both of my parents bathrooms to see if they had one and I didnt find one..

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

I need to get a new scale. My husband may not be very happy but I need to know. I havent weighed since I stopped the steroids. Husband says I've visibly lost weight since then but I have never been able to see what I actually look like. Its always just fat

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

@winterredbull I found it made me gain weight but after the 8-10 month mark I was able to lose it no problem

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

@sexdrugsandmdd I appreciate you 💕 I am doing the best I can!

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

Almost died again and was on steroids for 4 weeks. I gained so much weight and now none of my jeans fit right... so fucking triggering... I need to lose like 20 pounds...

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

I start school in 9 days. I will be going full time while I am still working full time. I can't be foggy but I also want the control again.

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

I've been slowly slipping back, slowly cutting back meals, and doing more of my old behaviors. IDK how to feel about all of this. I was happy to be free. Now IDK. Do I want to do this, yea kinda. Is it the best thing for me?? No.

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

I want to give in. I want the control back. Everything in life is so fucking stupid. I need something

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

I don't remember anything. So many stories about near death experiences, they saw something, something happened. I remember leaving my neighborhood in the ambulance and waking up over 24 hours later super fucked up. What do i do with that????

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

I should have died that day

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

@minime_x It depends on a lot of things. While I was underweight, I really didn't want sex at all. I didn't have the energy almost ever. It got to the point it was once to twice a month. Now that I'm at a healthy weight, I would prefer everyday 😅

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

I am hoping that when I start running again, It will help my confidence and make me feel not so much like a fatty. But I am also hoping with the amount of exercise, I will also be able to eat without so much guilt. Still have yet to get over all the guilt

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

Have been talking to my husband for awhile about wanting to get back into running and all that. In June I went and got on a daily medication for my asthma and I had started to quit smoking. We were looking into getting another puppy so we decided to find one that would be able

[Cheyenne @beanielover135]

Loves to run and is fast. But he is an Italian greyhound/jack Russell so he burns through his energy reserves pretty fast. He also does not like having to slow himself so I can keep up. He wants to go super fast for 10 minutes, then be coddled