beth xx

29 | ED/mental illness vent acct. she/her ✨

[beth xx @minime_x]

ALSO!!! I got laid off Tuesday. Life feels like a joke. 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

[beth xx @minime_x]

My life has gone so downhill since I last logged on. Ive had chronic hives since January & only a really high dose of antihistamines keeps them more manageable. If I even miss a dose I can get swelling in my face. I’ve gone to doctor after doctor. No allergies on my allergy panel

[beth xx @minime_x]

My weight is high af and I’m pissed. You would think I’d be skinnier due to all the issues. Probably bc I’ve had to be less active. ): my BMI is like 19.5 not that any of that should matter but with my health so awful I wish I had more control of something.
😪

[beth xx @minime_x]

@archiveghoul I actually am seeing a rheumatologist in a couple weeks, I also suspect it is autoimmune!! I have had a basic autoimmune blood panel but there is so much more a rheumatologist can look for

[beth xx @minime_x]

Ending the year fat, again

[beth xx @minime_x]

I feel like when I did go into work, I was able to fall asleep earlier though. I have no sense of a strict routine so I just stay up crazy late and have zero motivation. Strict routine made my ASD/adhd symptoms less. Cannot rely on myself to be accountable to a damn thing

[beth xx @minime_x]

I am 30 & realizing I need to stop letting my age make me think it’s too late. I’m a baby adult! I can do whatever tf I want. I can change my career. I CAN take a pay cut and struggle for a bit if I really am desperate to try something new. 50 year old me would regret not trying

[beth xx @minime_x]

Also I have severe adhd and am on the spectrum so I honestly think I need routine, as much as I hate it. Thank god my company is flexible bc I cannot get a sleep routine that makes sense. Revenge bedtime procrastination has me sleeping from 3 AM - 10 AM. So that’s also terrible

[beth xx @minime_x]

Been restricting for a month and only lost 2 lbs and on top of it I’m depressed as FUCK and hate my job and everything is so fucking meaningless

[beth xx @minime_x]

@helplessdaze Thank you lovely, you’re so kind ❤️

[beth xx @minime_x]

Relapsing in purging is so embarrassing (speaking personally), like oh no I ate more than I planned so put myself through the physical pain of throwing up😵‍💫 even though 3 weeks ago I committed to stopping. The annoying part is i just go back to slightly restricting instead

[beth xx @minime_x]

Nothing feels in my control, even more so than ever, so here I am restricting again

[beth xx @minime_x]

I’ve gained 5 pounds since this and it shows. I looked so good

[beth xx @minime_x]

tw bodycheck
hello friends I know I am never active on here lately but I have somehow maintained a slightly lower BMI than previously but ANYWAYS nervous about warm weather almost here and not being how skinny I want to be RIP