harlan the harlot

no survival instincts

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

I can smell monarch caterpillars when they are in my vicinity. Superpowers

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

Do y’all think boogers smell and we’re just nose blind to them?

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

Never catch me tipping subway workers

[kira 👾 @kirawontmiss]

this is how it is when you ask for help while having a nightmare

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

why do all my drug dealers profess their love to me 😩

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

crazy how few people I have in my life compared to this time last year. No wonder I’m fucking depressed

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

Went on a grippy sock vacay and was bullied the entire time by some dude because I “teach kids to worship satan” in public schools.

Bro, I’m a waitress

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

This is supposed to be funny but I’m actually very concerned about being pregnant

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

Need someone to suckle my sore nipples

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

Annnd a few more 🙃

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

I started taking screenshots of outlandish things men message me. Please enjoy 🙃

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

I thought ice spice was one of the spice girls that was just randomly blowing up again

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

@CdyRnkn Sooooo, on a completely unrelated subject…. What kind of car do you drive to what gym during what time??

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

Change your clothes while sitting on the toilet. Save that energy girl

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

My dads name is Kent and he smokes 2 packs a day

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

milk is the best drink and I’ll head butt anyone who wants to argue

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

Getting evicted from my apartment and I have to leave 98% of my things in the apartment because I don’t even have storage for any of it. My life is unreal right now.

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

Reheating restaurant leftovers with your broiler should be taught in high school because we all leaving our fries behind when we could have a nice 2am snack 3 days later

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

really eye opening that the people who treat me the best in my life are strangers on the internet

[harlan the harlot @beebitch69]

feel like they add less ramen flavoring now compared to when I was a kid 🧐