Brittany Rohleder

reading addict, 1990's sitcom enthusiast, mommy to one great kid and wife to the greatest guy on Earth!

[William Wolfe 🇺🇸 @WilliamWolfe]

If you’re easily offended, you’ll be easily manipulated.

Stop letting social media control your mind, emotions, and reactions

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

There are 2 types of people in this world: those who can't relax when there are dishes in the sink and those who don't even notice them.

And they end up marrying each other.

[Brittany Rohleder @bemr1204]

This is what goodness is!!

[M-Jay🪅 @Jamesoflife]

The joy I felt watching a video of a guy explaining how his 23yr old friend complained about how his ex girlfriend is so childish, throws tantrums and how he took her virginity. Just for him to find out the girl in question his friend dated is 14yrs old. When confronted, his friend’s response was “well my dad is 10 years older than my mom so it’s completely normal”????

Anyways he had his friend arrested for rape and his friend’s mom was mad about it talmabout “we could’ve settled this in-house”.

I’ve never been more proud. Glad to see men holding other men accountable❤️

[Sophia ❣️ @KeruboSk]

Anonymous confession:

Last Night as I was walking home from an event. I decided to take a short cut past the cemetery. Three college aged young ladies walked up to me and explained they were really scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk with me. I told them I understood and I used to be scared too when I was alive. I have never seen anyone run that fast in my life!!!

[Brittany Rohleder @bemr1204]

I would like to thank our realtor who told us to keep enough batteries on hand to change the battery in all of our smoke detectors just in case… that “in case” came tonight… in the middle of the #icestorm

[Puns AndOneliners @punsandoneliner]

Christmas trees only use the past and future tense as they believe the present is beneath them.

https://t.co/q5MQ4gmsUi #Presents #PresentJokes #Joke #Humour

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

Sure, I could parent without screen time.

I could also churn my own butter but let's not get crazy here.

[Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4]

The hardest part of being an adult isn’t paying bills, it’s figuring out what to cook for dinner every day.

[Smriii @smriiis_reading]

if you love someone, let them read.
in peace. preferably alone. in a gothic castle library that harbors a dark and ancient secret.

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

Plagiarism: Getting in trouble for something you didn’t do.

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

I have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

[Brittany Rohleder @bemr1204]

Found out last week that I have #GravesDisease but I haven’t really had any symptoms until the night I started the meds for it. Now i’m going on day three with not a lot of sleep. So annoying. #chronicillness #insomnia #IJustWantToSleep

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

I run every day for 15 minutes. If I miss a day l add 15 minutes to the next day.

This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I'm supposed to run for 3 months.

[Chris Brown @almostcmb]

I think the most agreeable thought among 30 somethings in their first few years of multiple children is “how did I not take over the world in my 20s with all of that free time”

[Brittany Rohleder @bemr1204]

@ThrillaRilla369 The Ziploc bags with the sliding zipper thing on them. Heck, the Ziploc bags that actually zipped up. We always used the sandwich bags with the fold over thing that you tuck in, there was no leak proof at all.

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

Deep thought of today: When you clean out a vacuum cleaner.

You become a vacuum cleaner.

[𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 @homemakinghunny]

Being a parent is wild because no matter how tired you are…. too bad.

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

Why couldn’t the cyclops spell Hawaii?

Because it requires two i’s.

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

Why do we say 'slept like a baby'?

Babies wake up every two hours crying.

I want to sleep like my cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

[Agita Christie @pagan_hoetry]

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn