Ben Boyd.

I write.

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

pikachu: electric mouse

charmander: fire lizard

weezing: horrible respitory illness

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

Crime procedurals that my wife put on as background noise that I ended up getting more invested in than her

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

takin a shower. see that my wifes got some hair product that says "CRUELTY FREE" down in the fine print

thats kinda funny. you wouldnt expect cruelty in shampoo. probably something about animal testing. wonder if its on my shampoo?

"NOW WITH MORE 10% MORE HATE" it says. dang.

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

i'm convinced that being good at writing is just knowing the names of trees and the random parts of houses you didn't know had names.

books will be like "a single Monterey cypress shaded the porte-cochère" and i'm like i will never be this good

[Demetrious Johnson @MightyMouse]

poetry in motion. 😌

[wint @dril]

oh you updated your privacy policy? very nice. i updated my privacy policy too which is to show you my ass and balls on purpose. Fuck you

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

@katielibratie @johnnymactastic Lonesome Dove is fire, Katie.

[Doug McKain @DMAC_LA]

Yasiel Puig forever

[BaseballHistoryNut @nut_history]

No doubt this is the coolest MLB stadium photo of all time. Those 3 lads are doing it right

[what's this we shit kemosabe @Dons_Lawn_Salon]

lop

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

Take the dog out. Put him on the grass. Feel something brush my leg. Look down. There's a sewing needle, thread attached, sticking out of my Achilles heel.

At a loss as to how it got there. Pull it out. Stand in the sun, confused, holding bloody needle. Dog finishes pissing. End

[wint @dril]

thanks all. together weve raised over $63 for raytheon to develop a brand new ITAS that can shoot down enemy prayers before they reach God .

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

@katielibratie "hows my good boy?"

"you botched the interview yesterday. you screwed it big time"

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

there is no more violent way to begin a sentence than "yeah no".

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

Today I was reading the Wikipedia plot synopsis for “Ratatouille”, a film I’ve never seen.

Please note that final line.

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

SWEDISH COP: can you describe the suspect?

WITNESS: they were six feet tall, blonde, and super hot!

SWEDISH COP: fuck

[King Typo @BoxingBusch]

This was the funniest shit of the night

[Ben Boyd. @benboyd92]

@FedX19 Dodger legend

https://t.co/YL4bsrpU5Z

[MLB Vault @MLBVault]

This was one of the craziest ways for a postseason series to end. 😱