Ben Howard

Forever in a losing battle with funny cat videos for your attention. Writer. Badminton Pro. Bacon King. Crowded Elevator Dancer. Empty Escalator Stander.

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

Born too late to explore the Earth, born too early to explore the galaxy, born just in time to explore the deep recesses of the couch.

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

@Rainmaker1973

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

#marvel #SpiderVerse
Fans of TV show and movie franchises after they introduce time travel and the multiverse:

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

Hey, @NFL, I found next year's #SuperBowl halftime show, and every year thereafter.

[El Francotirador @franco_record]

Qué SUPERBOWL ni qué ocho cuartos…

Mis TI-GUE-RES y su HALFTIME rifan…

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

I will announcing my candidancy for President tomorrow on MySpace. It will be hosted by Tom. You must have me in your top 8 to listen in.
#PresidentialAnnouncement #2024PresidentialElection

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

#KingCharles Why are we still deciding kings based on bloodline? Should be based on skill and achievement. For instance, whoever first discovered the peanut butter and chocolate combo should've been proclaimed King of the Universe.
#Coronation

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

People sleep on the immense historical significance of #CincoDeMayo. If not for the courageous folks in Puebla, Mexico, in 1862, we would all be eating foie gras instead of nachos right now.

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

#ThursdayThoughts I may not be a full-fledged Master Jedi, but I do have no attachments, since I'm single and broke. Also, one could say I'm force sensitive, because any time I face any sort of pushback I fold like a house of cards.
#StarWarsDay
#MayTheFourthBeWithYou

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

Okay, but let's develop a new energy source before A.I. begins to harness us for energy.

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

Science communicator and video producer Hashem Al-Ghaili released this video envisioning EctoLife, the world’s first concept of artificial womb facility

[full video: https://t.co/C91Smt4kqE]

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

@OTerrifying @benshapiro It's the Humanga Cowabunga from Downunder!

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

With the 1st pick in the #2023NFLDraft, the #CarolinaPanthers select Franklin, an A.I. generated player out of ChatGPT U.
Pros: Exceptional speed, awareness, velocity, strength, durability. Scored highest ever on S2 cognitive test.
Cons: Slight chance he could destroy humanity.

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

#MondayMotivation Find someone that loves you the way the legacy blue checkmark holders loved their old checkmark.
#twitter #hallmonitor #deputy #assistanttotheregionalmanager

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

@Rainmaker1973

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

Dear Directors,

During action sequence, please stop having person with gun run into melee range of person they're aiming at with arm outstretched for no reason. Unless you're filming a comedy of course. It looks ridiculous.

#Hollywood #movies #TV #NakedGun

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

I am suddenly volunteering for the first mission to Mars @elonmusk

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

A zombie tarantula.

Actually, Ophiocordyceps caloceroides infecting a tarantula. The fungus keeps the host alive as long as possible and directs the spider to the place where assocarps can spread the fungi spores more effectively

[📷 Ian Suzuki: https://t.co/3CdC4TuFpP]

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

You're never truly alone on #ValentinesDay when you have a tub of cake frosting and a spoon.

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

This #ValentinesDay, there is no better way to say I love you than by contacting aliens for them to send a spaceship to Earth where upon entering the US it's blasted into smitherings by an F-22, and when it does, spells out "I love you" in fire, forever cemented in UFO footage.

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

Next level snake in a can

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

Snake was stuck in the ceiling and then this happened 😳👀 https://t.co/RdfhWOlxki

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

#SuperBowl It was a decent performance by #Rhianna for the halftime show, but it would've been better, if, at the end, she was picked up by a Chinese spy balloon. Missed a real opportunity right there.

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

Here' a closer look at the Chinese spy balloon being shot down.
#balloon #questionmark #ThatsNoBalloon

[Ben Howard @benhoward]

#NFLPlayoffs
Nothing beats this exciting sequence:
Timeout -> commercial break
Touchdown, review -> commercial brk
Extra point -> commercial brk
Kickoff -> commercial brk

Me -> nap time