Urethra Franklin

| one-ply toilet paper is ruining my life |

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

*Frank points at beer*
"One day (probably when you're too young) we'll share a beer, Franklin."
*with wide grin Frank begins to clap for the first time*

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

Do I have two beautiful sons? Yes. But my real crowning achievement is figuring out how to lock the bathroom door in the house @TenaciousDDehr grew up in before she did.

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

@drewtaft

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

@drewtaft To her credit, who has heard of Eiffel 65 otherwise?

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

@neonxwitch I aggressively listen to Hanson when I drive, does that count?

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

@drewtaft I hope you're living all your little redneck boy dreams today dude.

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

Also the Blue Collar Comedy Tour DVD had a bigger impact on me than it probably should've. #MultipleBlockbusterRentals

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

Raise your hand if your first example of comedy was Bob & Tom and you're certain you didn't understand a word of it.

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

Am I the funniest person you know? I can't speak to that. But, do I say, "What in Turd Nation?!" whenever possible instead of, "What in tarnation?!"? Yes, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

Without fail, about once a month I get a song from From Under the Cork Tree stuck in my head, sometimes without hearing that song for YEARS beforehand.

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

I'm going to make my son multiple shirts that say,
"My parents asked if I was hungry & I said, "No."
But if you ask if I've eaten, I'll also say, "No," giving the impression my parents haven't thought to feed me."

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

I don't have a fire extinguisher, but I do have a small can of "Fire Gone Stop Fire" so there's that.

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

It's about to be a tweet-heavy day, I can feel it. Apologies & you're welcome.

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

I think collectively we all put a lot of trust in mug handles.

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

@drewtaft But what if I want YOUR spit in my latte?

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

Woof. Used to bike at that intersection & all around there constantly before moving out of my parents'.

[21Alive News @ABC21WPTA]

The coroner's office identified the bicyclist that was struck and killed in northeast Allen County last week as a 19-year-old Fort Wayne man. https://t.co/XY57UX99zY

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

#OneSingleRap:
🎶"I know you didn't ask, but I'm not doin' the best.
These times got me feelin' like GG Allin at VBS."🎶

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

@drewtaft You should hear some of the ones I make at work...

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

@blane44 I feel like they could've just handed the masks off to people of the same height & no one would really know

[Urethra Franklin @benjamindehr]

I would 100% keep this & make it into a fire pit or art-installation or some sh*t.

[Broomfield Police @BroomfieldPD]

Another photo of debris from a home off Elmwood in @broomfield.