Ben Popik

this stuff kills on facebook.

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

(He refuses to wear them)

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

Now that Dianne Feinstein is dead, can we pleeeeease make her step down from the Senate?

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

Man, if I didn’t know better, “concentration camp” sounds like something I’d really benefit from.

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

How long can I leave food out on the counter and still have it be safe to eat? Three days?

[McShirehampton @McShirehampton]

Had to try this trend 😊

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

Do you guys think Sisqo is more of a boob guy or a butt guy?

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

Ugh. Sony just contacted me, they said it’s my turn to be Spider-Man. Should I just say no? I think I’m going to say no.

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

@patrickmgallagh How am I supposed to find out whose aunts are antivaxxers?!

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

Sorry, I’m new at hacking.

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

If you’d told me as a child that my eventual role in the household would be The-One-Who-Deals-With-The-Scorpions, I would have offed myself then and there.

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

Charlie Kaufman, you've done it* again!

*simultaneously made me both bored and angry

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

@pitbull What are you doing right this moment? My friends and I in Belize are all making guesses and you’d really be helping us out by responding

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

Happy Mother’s Day, Jennifer Lawrence.

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

@SpotifyCares There was a chargeback on my credit card after some fraudulent activity, now I can't access my accounts in order to change the billing info. I don't want to lose all my playlists -- please help! Two usernames: benpopik, 9ysrcsdfl31zkvc4eryx1ujcp

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

Why would I like that?!?!!?

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

Last night I had a dream that I was in a peeing contest. To answer your follow-up question: yes.

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

What ever happened to Ben Stein? Did we win all his money?

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

@Takatoome @dnvolz Here you go: https://t.co/GVRSaoXnnw

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

@DanWilbur "Extra ketchup, please"

[Ben Popik @benpopik]

@Takatoome @dnvolz Yeah, but when time shows that Obama did no such thing, I feel like you're still not going to believe it.