Ben Ulin

Comedy Magician / Thinker.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

I’m too practical to get a tattoo. If I ever got one, it would read: “If found, please return to Adventureland Amusement Park.”

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

I just spent 4 minutes standing at one end of my shower waiting for a live spider to be washed down the shower drain. I will now spend the next 3 days worrying about him crawling back out.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

I have an embarrassing confession to make. I have discovered that I cannot drink coffee without spilling it on myself. Especially when I'm wearing white.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Odd thought of the day - Generally, men more often hike up their pants, while women, more often pull down on their shirts. I wonder if this is due to differences in anatomy, or psychology?

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

#NewProfilePic

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Someone keeps knocking on my front door, but there ain't no way I'm answering it. Due to a very bright outside door light, it's a pair of cicadas ramming into my door. They are relentless. Either they want to rob me, or give me a religious pamphlet. I'm staying right here.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Rubber cement has become my nemesis. I'm sticking to everything I touch. It is the Oobleck of adhesives.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Thank goodness for speaker phones. I can talk to myself driving in the car and all I have to do to not look weird to other drivers, is hold my phone up every now and then.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Looking over the 50 different varieties of Monster Energy drink at my local convenience store, made me wonder. Is this due to the success of the monster drinks? Or is everyone like me, ultimately will not like any of them but have to try every one of them to figure that out?

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Working on a new trick. I needed a stand-in to get the lighting right. Some days, it's hard to find good help.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Note to self; do NOT remove the cap BEFORE vigorously shaking your Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino chilled coffee drink while driving. I am now wondering how many people will comment on my new coffee scented cologne.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Today, I'm reminded why I stopped eating at Subway in the car, driving to shows. No matter what sandwich you get, it is the messiest thing you can try to eat while you drive. I hope it dries before the show tonight.
#footlongstain

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

There's a possibility that I'm the guy in the car next to you at the stoplight playing his music too loud. But in my defense, the music is probably Sam Cooke or Frankie Valli.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

I'm a piler. I pile stuff. And then it just stays piled. I should remove all of the level, flat surfaces in my living room so I can't set stuff down.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

My entire list of shows suggested by Netflix are now about aliens, zombies, vampires, meta-humans, or documentaries about true crime. I have evidently done this to myself.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Comedy magic theory summed up in a movie quote from, Who Framed Roger Rabbit...

Eddie Valiant: "You mean you could've taken your hand out of that handcuff at any time?"

Roger Rabbit: "No, not at any time, only when it was funny."

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Some people have to touch things at the clothing store. Some people have to sit on things at the furniture store. If I find one of these at the hardware store, I have to say, "rawr."

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

This came out of my mouth in my dinner conversation tonight.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

A great evening at Teehee's Comedy Club tonight. Watched Jonathan May do a kick ass show. Hugged Willie Fratto-Farrell. Enjoyed the light shining long into night by having a long overdue conversation with Pete Bold. Life is best when you spend it with friends.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

Brainstorm! I need to record magic tricks that can be played for customers who are on hold, over the phone. It can't be worse than the music that this company is playing while I wait.

[Ben Ulin @benulinmagic]

I was looking for a plus side to the terrible cold we're having. It didn't work.

It's going to kill off many insect pests for this spring. 😃
It's going to kill off many of the essential bees too. ☹️