elevator music

dirty martini? dirty bastard.

[૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა @CBD42O]

this is so hard to explain but theres a bird in my neighborhood i have to confront

[୨୧ @dollsumin]

baixei um jogo de cuidar de um bebe online e esqueci de entrar por uns dias e agora ele ta assim

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

There's a really short guy at my work and the custodian just accidentally swept him into the dust pan. I didn't even try and help. I was immobilized by my own cowardice

[conor shack @ConorShack]

i think about this img a lot

[Fart Corvelay @Mark_Cam_3]

saw a guy wearing a heavy metal tshirt that had a zombie on it. I wasn’t scared, though, i know it’s just ink on a cotton polyester blend

[ً @NotJosephGarcia]

These are the qualities you should consider when choosing your next dentist.

[Softboy @softboywin]

I think smartphones are ruining our lives but also if I had to go to the airport in 1998 with just my wits & a subway map I’d kill myself

[tyla woakley @ilygaruka]

id never "play" in my butt bc its no laughing matter to me

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

There are photos in my phone that erode my trust and loosen my tether, I call them the mood destructors and they serve no purpose other than to shoot shrapnel directly into my brain upon contact

[Rika Uindou @uindourika]

Do whatever you want with your unremarkable penis. I really don’t care.

[(ᵔᴥᵔ) @NonnaTomato]

My pussy biblically accurate

[doxie @doxie_gay]

this clip fjjfgjjfjg

[goddammitbrian @goddammitbrain]

a guy i know was sat in bed with his laptop and lightning struck him and blew his cock straight off . makes ya think

[Joshwelt @weltszzn]

food and drinks consumed in a movie theater doesn’t really go into your body. it goes into your movie theater body which is separate & holy and harm-proof

[Handsome B. Charming @CTachio83984]

i was extremely critical of the wheel when it was invented, took a long time to live that one down

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

I've been in situations before that didn't even happen

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

Attack your doctor if you have any of these symptoms

[Pisser Dick @PisserDick_]

Im indifferent to pussy

[caleb @sexygrandson]

I wear a condom to bed so that bugs don’t crawl in my thingy