Tortoise Enthusiast

I like turtles

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@CrimeWatchMpls Born too late to explore the earth.

Born too early to explore the stars.

Born just in time for the unlicensed Somali hookah lounge being run out of the back of a warehouse space that houses an autism center by day.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

Watched one of those tour bag guys PUTT a ball OB once. Front of the green, about 60 ft uphill to back pin. There was at least 20 feet of green behind the hole. Dude blasts it past the pin, off the back of the green, across a road and OB. Quite possibly the worst putt in the entire history of golf.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@CarnoustieCad I caddied at an expensive club for a few years. The members all knew what was up and had reasonable bags. But some of the guests, oh man. Guest shows up with a giant tour bag... massive hack, like 30+ index, guaranteed. I observed zero exceptions to this over hundreds of loops.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

> My culture is SUPER unique bruv
> We have these buildings where you can go inside and pay somebody to hand you a drink

[No Context Brits @NoContextBrits]

America is 250 years old.

This pub is 1,466 years old.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

A reasonable community appeal: "Look, we messed up by shutting down reliable nuclear and fossil fuel generators and not replacing that capacity. We're sorry. We're fast-tracking new reliable generation and beefing up the grid. But that takes a while, so in the meantime it would be helpful if you could set your thermostats a bit higher. It will only be a few summers then we'll never ask you to do anything like this again."

What we're actually getting: "We don't intend to ever actually fix the root cause of the problem here. In fact, we're gonna make it worse by importing more people and electrifying everything while continuing to shut down nuclear and fossil fuel generators. Lower your standard of living forever, plebs."

Real mystery why that tactic seems to be backfiring.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@Lina_rays1ya No. As it turns out it is incredibly easy to arrange your affairs such that your odds of being shot by ICE are zero.

You can just choose to not follow them around and chimp out like a retard.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@ronin21btc You send an invoice for the full $6k and file a mechanics lien on their property when they inevitably don't pay. Fuck these people.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@milkyy_tweets A poor could still use their EBT to acquire the necessary ingredients to bake their own cookies. They would spend less and therefore have more leftover to buy actual food.

But since this requires several minutes of thought and effort on their part it's a genocide or something.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

The programs, which you assured us were essential to the very survival of millions of people were "gutted" and nothing happened? Nobody's starving, there aren't bodies piling up everywhere?

Either these programs weren't actually "gutted" or they were never serving their stated purpose in the first place. Those are the only 2 choices here.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

The INTRO to this ridiculous hours-long annual concussion training I need to be the 7th assistant coach of my boys' mountain bike team is a series of 8 unskippable videos preceded by an unskippable ad.

I now have a concussion from banging my head on my desk.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@KJ_Prince @AJA_Cortes Daly is a (really awesome) one of one relic from a bygone era.

Modern professional golfers are obsessive about physical health. The PGA Tour has mobile gyms in semi trailers they roll up to every tournament. Top players travel with trainers, chefs, physios, etc.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@HennepinD2 Precisely zero people have ever addressed this person as "Dr. Commish"

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@JoshEakle Are there endless leftist NGOs using money that was taken from me by force to move the Amish into my neighborhood? No?

The Amish and mass 3rd world immigration are not even remotely similar situations. Curious (if you're a retard).

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@NickKristof @elonmusk Damn. You've actually MET these people and you didn't spend 100% of your net worth trying to save them? Blood on your hands there, killer.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@DaveEDanna

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@Anc_Aesthetics "The W word"

Genuinely difficult to believe that this nation once had an empire that stretched across the entire planet.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

Imagine someone walking down the street wearing a pride flag t-shirt. Is that person gay? Perhaps. But absent evidence in addition to the shirt you don't KNOW that. I certainly wouldn't bet substantial money on it either way.

But you know what you DO know with near certainty? Their politics. Show me who's on the pride flag wearer's ballot in the next general election and I'll happily bet my entire net worth on predicting who they vote for.

Based on nothing but that shirt, you can accurately predict that person's stance on just about every issue. Not just culture war shit that's at least tangential to sexuality. But economics, foreign policy, energy, taxes, immigration... things that have nothing whatsoever to do with sexuality. All of it.

Because the pride movement stopped being about sexuality years ago. It's just another flavor of leftist slop now.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

"You stopped being queer the moment you started supporting Isreal..."

On its face that sounds absurd, but it's quite literally true. "Queerness" stopped being about sexual orientation years ago. It is now about unwavering fealty to the eternal progressive omnicause.

Does acceptance by the "queer" community being dependent on supporting a foreign political movement, the standard practices of which include tossing "queer" people off of rooftops, make any sense? Of course not. But it doesn't have to. I don't make the rules.

[David Weigel @daveweigel]

“You stopped being queer the moment you started supporting Israel, you piece of shit.”

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

@BrentAWilliams2 Of course it is. That's why they like it so much.

[Tortoise Enthusiast @biglargeturtle]

Holy shit... if this doesn't give the game away I don't know what does.

[Richard Hanania @RichardHanania]

The European Commission literally shut off air conditioning but only for floors 1-7, where people of lower rank work.