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Rollin down the street, tweetin...sipping on gin and juice/ Laid back [with my mind on my twitter and my twitter on my mind]... Instagram: BillCheek

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@blockbuster New phone, who dis

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@heatherbob45 Adorbs!

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Mc Pennywise

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@NYCComedyCellar No one would ever believe such bs

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If you go to @NYCComedyCellar and Dave Chappell does a guest appearance, then proceeds to invite everyone back to his hotel BUT you weren't able to get a selfie... did it really happen?

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@SmartHomesGroup @JimNorton @ComicDaveSmith I guess CricketsDaveSmith was taken. He sucks

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Take 2 years off and lose 2k followers. That seems about right.

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I'm #StraightOutta The Oven. Where you from? http://t.co/MTFUMgtnCi

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I just said "nice shorts dick" to a guy wearing orange shorts. He was offended but his shorts really were orange

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2 things mark your adulthood: when you see Squirt Cola and not laugh and successfully planning a yard sale.
I'm not there yet

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I hope every single toll booth attendant in the world dies a slow and horrific death. Or at least the one at exit 4 on the Jersey Turnpike.

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@GStephanopoulos, @GovChristie has said he will end legalized pot.Why is his addiction to food ok? Aren't there bigger issues to address?

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I'm really enjoying this new comedy on Fox called Fox News. It's hilarious, I don't know how I haven't discovered it sooner.

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I just watched 10 minutes of Fox News. I don't think I've ever wanted to physically assault my tv like I do right now.

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Was just told by a lady on the elevator that my shirt was tucked into my underwear. My day just went from a 4 to a 10

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When someone is pushed and pushed and pushed, don't be surprised at the depths they will go to push back.

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Don't you hate when you're all cozy in your superhero pajamas and realize it's Monday morning and you're 2 hours late for work.

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Dear guys who vape,
What's in that thing, Summers Eve?
Stop it.

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Ever wonder how you can smell like complete dogshit? Just keep smoking

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This. Will. Not. Work.