angry wet spider

would you like some dirt || my actual writing: || she/her

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

Please sign my petition to rename giving birth “going number 3”

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@bransonreese @of_rude @PREMIUMPONCHO

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

listened to the first 20 min of episode 1 of @of_rude and stopped bc I liked it so much I wanted to listen to it with other people. now me and @PREMIUMPONCHO are having a listening party. you better not fucking let us down. the rest of the episode better not be Branson’s farts

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@bransonreese @of_rude @PREMIUMPONCHO ok consensus from everyone is that fucking ruled

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

this is an official death threat to Branson that I will murder him if it’s that and he embarrasses me in front of my friends. the murder will also be via fart on a podcast somehow

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@HotHotHotBoy69 meal prep your smoothie by taking a huge dump and then putting avocados in it

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@SortaBad shit I broke it sorry

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@SortaBad no

[💜💜🎀 ȶɦɛ ȶɦɨռӄɛʀ🎀 💜💜 @NickPinkerton]

The most intensely challenging, daunting role that any actor can play is that of the clown who fights Batman.

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@Lubchansky this is how I found out the golden globes are tonight

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@voidhowler hello

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@FrankCurtisB @imbobswaget @CowlonFullerton ?

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@HotHotHotBoy69 the two of you get to go to Strong Jaw Hell where everyone has a strong jaw (and therefore no one does)

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@HotHotHotBoy69 absolutely no jawline left for the rest of us

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@WarronBebster 😏

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@WarronBebster i finally decided to follow you. you’re welcome!!!! 🧥

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@merrittk someone will bring him up and I’ll be like “oh yeah, the guy who’s super good at having sex very fast and very many times. is he still keeping up the good work”

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

@merrittk before this the only thing I knew about him was that he was someone famous (sorry) and now the only thing I know about him is he is someone famous who had sex with 20,000 men. and if I leave my brain alone with these two facts for an instant it will decide they are related

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

come ON

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

family group chat is currently troubleshooting dad’s memoji. he gave himself jowls somehow and we’re trying to help him fix it

[angry wet spider @birdbutterer]

NO