amnia leery

the sheeple's princess

[amnia leery @bitchmachine3]

you all deal in logical fallacies. meanwhile I WIELD an ILLOGICAL PHALLUS, see?

[yoshimi battles video game addiction @nise_yoshimi]

me suffering the mummy's curse: aaaaahhhhhh!

the pharaoh: see i knew you wouldn't like it

me: I thought it would be sexy or something!

the pharaoh: well it isn't

[sensitive young hetaira @sensualhoplite]

russian man at my friend’s hostel describe alcohol as a lubricant for the conversational sphincter and then fell down the stairs head first after several negronis

[cory @coolmathgame_]

cop: do you know why i pulled you over

me: no

cop: guess haha 😛

me: what

cop: i feel like you don’t like me 🙁

[Lark @king_of_limb]

had a few too many meads and wrapped my noble steed around a telephone pole

[Meggy @igetsoinspired]

I want to be so in love we experiment with gas station pills together

[I eat short people @UnderwearStain]

Farted so hard while driving it blew the entire undercarriage of my car off so now i have to flinstones this bitch

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

New number "One fucking hundred"

[baby uncle gay Cookies 🍪 @angieoverhere]

Why isn’t everyone talking about my this

[faget83629031852 @faget9261530128]

there was a violent lawnmower collision in my living room today

[alex lei @alexL_E_I]

bread & butter pickles piss me off

[amnia leery @bitchmachine3]

my dear sons Brackett and Ampersandrew are going to Taft on a seal clubbing scholarship

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

Received a stern talking-to by the zookeepers for being too critical of the animals

[suffer @i97r3]

a girl hit me in the back of the head with one of these before

[amnia leery @bitchmachine3]

there’s nothing I don’t smell like rn

[omelas basement kid but an adult @illiterateprole]

My mom had me at 38 and we were fine idk maybe u guys just had bad vibes

[chad @chasedbywasps]

writing down a beautiful poem and putting it in the microwave

[amnia leery @bitchmachine3]

Soda Idiots Summer

[amnia leery @bitchmachine3]

I keep remembering this post and bursting into genuine delighted laughter at work

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

the soda idiots

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

the soda idiots