Bitter Tweets

I tweet bad jokes, memes, gifs, and videos. Some of my own and anything else I find funny or interesting.

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Andante's Inferno #OrchestraSchmovies

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Today I got out of breath on the escalator #SignsYoureOutOfShape

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#IfChocolateDidNotExist Don't say carob.

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#GameOfThronesCelebs Kanye Westeros

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Trump: How can I take some heat off the healthcare bill?

Devil on shoulder: Marginalize.

Trump: Hold my beer. #TransRightsAreHumanRights

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#GratitudeIn5Words Thanks for being a friend.

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#DecodeFirstDateSentences I hope you like this place, I eat here like every day. = I hope you like this place I don't cook.

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@snopes is about to release an article about the snopes gofundme hoax

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#ADoctorOnceToldMe to take off my clothes and sit on a table. Weirdest date I've ever been on.

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I wanna replace the finish line tape at a marathon with police tape, that way no one wins.

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#FriendZoneASong 'I Want You Back' in my top 8 buddy.

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#WhyImSingle I'm not single, my girlfriend lives in Canada. Or Hawaii, wherever you're not.

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#ValentinesDayIn3Words 🎵Bow Chicka Wow🎶

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#BetterPopGroupNames Magenta 5

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#ReasonsYouNeedMe I'm your only black friend
-Rachel Dolezal

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#CommercialSchmovies Silence of The Lamisil

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#TitleOfMySelfHelpBook How to Write a Self Help Book

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#GameDayPartyEssentials Every #SuperBowlSunday needs a #SuperBowlSundae in Tom Brady's helmet

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#nationalweatherpersonsday today I predict a smattering of sadness with an overcast of apathy #metrology #iwantedtobeanactor

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#MeanwhileBackAtThe Whitehouse Donald Trump plays catch with a different kind of football #fumble #nuclearwinter