Jesse Blair

my cats run this account 🇨🇦🏳️‍🌈

[Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD Bioplasticity @BuckyIsotope]

This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a 01100010 01100001 01101110 01100111 but a 01110111 01101000 01101001 01101101 01110000 01100101 01110010

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

Drugs don't kill people, people who run out of drugs kill people

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

I heard someone refer to hooking up with an older person as “antiquing,” so apparently I’ve appreciated in value.

[paused mortem 💀 @LeeCram]

[seductively spirals]

[🏴‍☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber]

Having my yard marked so I don't accidentally hit any underground utilities when burying a body

[C 🇨🇦 @SelfInFocus]

Getting deep-impacted by an asteroid would fix me

[Nate @thenatewolf]

My sister knew how to do something on the thermostat that I didn't know so I've started calling her "The Hacker" and "Microchip"

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

Please quit yelling at me
You’re making it hard for me to pretend I can’t hear you

[Jesse Blair @blairloudly]

i dont want a fridge that can play youtube i want a dryer that burps after it eats socks

[Jesse Blair @blairloudly]

feet must get so pissed that hands get all the fancy jobs

[Jesse Blair @blairloudly]

is it weird that everything i relate to is from the late 1900s

[𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀. @im_all_id]

It's really comin down out there (civilization)

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

ME: If you spell kayak backwards, it still spells kayak

WIFE: Yes. Also called a palindrome

ME: I think you'll find it's also called a canoe, Sharon

[Jenny Doesnt Know @HighlyIngenious]

My birthstone is a chunk of sharp cheddar cheese

[C 🇨🇦 @SelfInFocus]

My deepest condolences to anyone who has fumbled you, for they know not what they’re missing

[NurseBrianRN @rn_murse]

it’s almost as if no one in this prison shower wants to hear my recipe for coq au vin.

[paused mortem 💀 @LeeCram]

After careful consideration, fuck this shit.

[Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @GraniteDhuine]

I can handle being an adult for maybe 3 to 4 hours a day, but the full 24-hour commitment is uncalled for.

[𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀. @im_all_id]

Very rich of this company to think I even remember the job they're rejecting me for

[Jesse Blair @blairloudly]

bad news guys stuff only gets done if you do it