silent

20 ꩜ they/he ꩜ -18 dni
personal online diary ꩜ big tw

[silent @blisterpleasee]

i woke up with so much energy and excitement and now all my plans seem stupid and i want to get back in bed and get rid of the world -_-

[silent @blisterpleasee]

@teethareboness thank you for the explanation, that makes a lot of sense!! the raised ones were on my very inner thigh, so they were definitely stretched a lot more during the healing process

[silent @blisterpleasee]

tw HEALED scars - these are same depth same healing method just different areas of the thigh - why is one raised and the other indented??? driving me insane actually

[silent @blisterpleasee]

something heinous is always happening in my stomach

[silent @blisterpleasee]

@teethareboness for me it never feels like “enough.” i keep needing more to get the same effect, and i never feel valid/sick enough. it’s also the urge to damage myself as severely as possible. i also think spaces like shtwt encourage competition, even if it’s unintentional :/

[silent @blisterpleasee]

fuck recovery i need to lose weight. i will be that perfect again

[silent @blisterpleasee]

i need to lose them it’s not even funny anymore. once i’m back at 103 i can do maintenance again but i need to be there before school starts so i don’t relapse at school. this is like the mini pre-semester relapse ig

[silent @blisterpleasee]

gained 5 lbs in 20 days. i feel sick.

[cas? @flyriddencorpse]

i don't hurt myself as much as i should

[silent @blisterpleasee]

ik i’m always on about this bs but the biggest trigger i’ve ever had was my boss telling me a client’s cuts were “the worst i’ve seen in a long time.” it’s so awful of me but i can’t stop thinking abt how deep they must’ve been and what it would take for her to say that abt me

[silent @blisterpleasee]

i feel like such a little kid

[silent @blisterpleasee]

@dizzieandmusing makes sense tyy that’s what i was thinking

[silent @blisterpleasee]

does this look like beans or baby beans? had to multiswipe to go deeper and eek

[silent @blisterpleasee]

such a bizarre thing to cut yourself, and even crazier that it’s the only thing that can make me feel ok

[silent @blisterpleasee]

burn marks from yesterday. i want to do my arms in the fall so im testing to see if they heal unnoticeably

[silent @blisterpleasee]

anyone else have the episodes of overwhelming pain where your chest hurts with the sadness. like all the time

[silent @blisterpleasee]

been burning today, just experimenting a little and it’s amazing how easy and accessible it is (the way i’m doing it, no wound) but god do i want to do actual damage and slice myself open deep. i’ll always be married to cutting

[silent @blisterpleasee]

yall does this look like it’s healing ok….. ?2nd day out in the air since i got sick of bandaids

[a broken soul @abrokensouI]

at the most fuckable age of my life and the only thing i am is suicidal

[georgia @st0nervosa]

i wish the people in my life would understand that nothing about my suffering is as simple as they wish it were

[s(h)age @sagespiraling]

no wound i could ever inflict compares to the pain of not feeling sick enough