Elliot Newbold

Professional Scapegoat. Alliteration Analyst. General Madman.

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

@polycraftgame I bought the Amber Well, but can't seem to find it. Help?

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

@Spielbound I have a stack of games I would like to donate, but couldn't find contact information on your site. Can someone contact me?

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

"Fair-In-Height 451" by Ray Cadbury is the harrowing tale of a 451 pound man who can't seem to kick his Easter candy addiction. #fakebooks

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

@jakebrower It's probably because of the salty taste of soccer players. Just like when dogs lick your sweaty legs. Yum!

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

"The Goad" by Tarmac McCarthief is a gripping novel about a young man who is convinced by his peers that carjacking is his best future.

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

Do you think cabin boys ever plucked their aye-aye brows to suck up to the captain?

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

"The Fetamorphosis" by Kraftka is a sharp portrayal of what it means to be cheesy.

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

I'm going to open a landscaping business, and name it "The Sodfathers."

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

The band Europe should repress one of their old albums, and market it as "The Vinyl Countdown."

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

I need to introduce additional morale fiber to my diet to keep me regular.

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

I really want to learn how to better serve man. I think I will start by practicing cooking with Soy and leafy greens.

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

I am waging war on "buts," and everything the But Party stands (or sits) for.

[Elliot Newbold @boldnewme]

"Sin of Man" sounds an awful lot like "cinnamon." Which raises the question, where does that leave cinnamon buns?