Bernadette Durbin

Quotes out of context.

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

"We still have hope, unless the hose runs dry."

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

"This is a stickup!
No, wait, it's a watermelon. My bad."

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

I have a new story out! https://t.co/Q2TrCg8JmK

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

"He always has the expression of a basset hound surprised and confused by the smell of its own farts." —Rob Durbin

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

Wanna play bot catcher? Go comment on the previous tweet and let's see who scrapes the image.

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

#RiseofSkywalker #StarWars #LeiaOrgana #princessleia #GeneralLeia

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

I need an umbrella stand.
Do they even make umbrella stands?
Oh, they do, good.
Why do I need an umbrella stand?
For the lightsabers, of course.

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

Roadkill I've seen:
-pets
-raptors
-deer
-barn owl
-skunk
-opossum
-raccoon
-turkey
-donkey on I-80 in the middle of the Yolo Causeway
-wolverine

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

Vile Heresies of the Malevolent Stench Gargoyle
aka
What the Cat Did in the Litterbox

[Janelle Shane @JanelleCShane]

Here’s a recipe written by an actual neural net that examined 30,000 recipes. It gets the overall structure okay, but by the time it reaches the directions it has forgotten the ingredients list. https://t.co/rmFMJcgioB 4/12

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

@SMUDUpdates @CityofElkGrove Power back on near Feickert. Good speed!

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

The phrase, "This is exactly like it was in my dream," is a lot less meaningful when it's said in a different dream.

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

@seananmcguire @vixy The fact that she is so eminently hatable argues that we do. A fictional character to point to and say: "That. That's why narcissists suck."

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

#GilbertandSullivan #PatienceLOTS2017 https://t.co/IqSsIa6tP7

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

@devaskyla @nomadj1s @vandroidhelsing I know there are buckles designed to adjust seatbelts for kids transitioning out of car seats—maybe look into those? You need to be safe.

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

“Capias codicil, ex parte fiduciary,
Ore tenus, ad litem. Tort! Tort! Tort!”
The Swedish Chef flunks law school.
—Kevin J. Cheek

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

Toddler Hamilton: "You'll Be Back (For My Lovey)", "Say No To This Dinner", "Not Throwin' Away My Snot", and "Non-Stop." @HamiltonMusical

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

"Vigilatte" would be a good name for a coffee drink that enforced justice outside the law.

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

"Two bars walk into a cadenza... no, wait..." —Rhonda Thomas

[Bernadette Durbin @booklore]

Headline 2471: "Analysis of plays lends proof to theory that Leslie Odom is the actual author of plays attributed to @Lin_Manuel Miranda."