aly ⭐️

Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?

[໊ @user0000O0]

another fucking sunday

[kendall @internetfairie]

stop bothering me or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people but I can tell you are not yet aware of

[g @34rths]

I don't feel particularly proud of myself But I have a job and at least three friends so Girl whatever

[whis_pea @whis_pea]

Don't touch that, it's a load-bearing delusion.

[josef k hole @poeticdweller]

need to become a tour guide i’ve just realized it’s the only job i can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me

[Work Retire Die @WorkRetireDie]

It's Wednesday afternoon, time to transition from "how was your weekend" to "any weekend plans?" Love chatting about how we all can't stand being here

[rin ☾⋆⁺₊⋆🇵🇸 @rinnystarr]

worried i’ll log into work tomorrow to an email that says “you are in BIG trouble and we all hate you”

[Berry ⏾ @auraonx]

I like saying “I’ll allow it” only in contexts where I have no power of authority

[🦫🇺🇾 @doubtpointv2]

I hate when people try to tell me what to do. My entire body rejects it. Frankly if you don't have the tact to subtly manipulate my actions by playing with my self esteem then you don't belong in my life anyway

[aly ⭐️ @borger_queen]

i had a printer and my roommate was helping me move and it exploded and we didn’t take it out of her car for one year

[Chris @citehchris]

got asked if i have a printer and now im like what if i bought a printer and became the friend with a printer? come on over big dog let’s have a beer and print those documents for you

[໊ @sonohoor]

i’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years)

[dawn @rundry]

i concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute

[aly ⭐️ @borger_queen]

me in london rn

[bro @scrungeonmaster]

can’t even knock on wood these days. that’s why it’s all going bad. “knock on laminated particle board”. go fuck yourself. that’s insane

[𓊓 @social_actavis]

do something that scares you every day. if you do that every day will be scary and your life will be scary in general