WEDDING IN ENGLAND:
Invited : 60
Present at the church: 60
Present at the reception: 58
Gifts: 58
Missing Items: 0
WEDDING IN AMERICA
Invited: 100
Present at the church: 80
Present at the reception: 70
Gifts: 65
Missing Items: 0
WEDDING IN NIGERIA:
Invited: 500
Present at the church: 65
Present at the reception: 1348
Pledges - 4,000,000 naira
Paid pledges- 120,000
Gifts: 15
Envelopes: 300
Content in Envelopes: 7000 naira.
Missing items: 43 phones:-
324 spoons,
1 cake knife,
One photographer's camera missing.
Girlfriend gone with another guest.
Boyfriend looking for his girlfriend.
Girlfriend looking for her boyfriend,
Remaining gifts missing,
4 people fighting outside,
50 chairs broken,
5 tables broken,
3 decoration curtains missing. Groom's
mother slaps bride.๐๐
This topic has been a sentimental one for years on social media. I fear it will always be. She is being emotional but her emotions are valid. We know the implications this have on marriages.
I love my mother more than anyone in the world. But the moment I choose someone to commit to and walk this life with, she becomes the number one person in my life. I'm taking a vow of commitment to walk this life as one with you, in every season of life, till death. Marriage is a union of 2 people to become one. My mother will always be my mother - never my wife. Even my mother will not allow me make her number one in my life nor would she want to be.
My mother always taught us that ignorance is why women fight for position with their son's wife. She said, "your daughter in-law is your daughter. Why are you fighting with your daughter? Your role is to love them and pray for them."
My mother always said, "I know you love your mommy but I won't be visiting your home unless it is necessary. I'll come for omugwo and when you and your partner are ready to receive me. I have my husband and my house. I will not leave my house to come and impose on your house. Even when I visit, it is what you people give me to eat, I'll eat. I am not coming to your house to make any decision or question why you do things the way you do. It is your family. You will run it the way you and your partner decide. My mother did not interfere in my home. I will not interfere in yours. Your partner must never question their place in your life. My prayer for you is that you marry good partners and into good families. God forbid you have a bad MIL that wants to impose on your home, she will have problem with me. Parents are supposed to stay clear and allow their children navigate their home and enjoy their marriage."
I remember when my brother newly married, my sister told my mom my brother doesn't visit every Sunday like before. My brother usually bring stuff when he visits. My mom smiled and told her, "he has a family now. I know you miss your brother but he has a wife now whom he is accountable to. He will come when it is convenient and as a family man, he will also have to plan his finances with his wife and agree together what to send to both families as is convenient. That is how family works. You'll understand when you marry."
So yes, you're not taking your wife to the altar to be a second choice. She is marrying you to be your partner in life and one in Christ. That is why I am intentional with telling you to vet properly. Your parents might help in the vetting process for your own good but after that, everybody assumes their rightful place. The problem we have is that, many people know they are dating nonsense and about to marry nonsense. So their mom is still whom they trust and prefer. You owe it to yourself to vet your partner with all your might. You can't afford to choose wrong. It is a life journey.
This is really a non-issue. I guess our background affects us a lot because where you have a mother who wants to displace your wife and you have men who allow their mom run the home ahead of their wife, the home is doomed. Even women are making same mistake by allowing their mom come to the house to dictate. My sister in-law enjoys going to my parents home because she feels at home there.
I have told myself, I know the MIL I'm giving you, I'll not marry into a family that I'm not treated like a son.