R. Brian McFarland

Deputy Sheriff, EMT

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

#Thanksgiving should be followed by #Halloween not the other way around. It would be a great way to get rid of #leftovers!

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

For anyone who only sees my semi-monthly Twitter postings, I am back to work as of the first of August.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

I swear I have had it with people whose entire job exists only because the field they're in has intentionally made so many obstacles that they want it to seem that it's impossible to do without them. Real estate agents and title companies have just moved way up on that list.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

@Annieealker9 @BrianMcFadden @mcfadden_indo Close but no.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

You know you're having a #badday when your can of Fix-a-flat springs a leak.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

Someday....

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

Just wondering how many bolts can fall out of my @lazboy recliner before I should really worry. It is 20 years old so I'm not complaining.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

@Lucy41287810 Did you mean to send this to me?

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

I'm raising money for Help Injured Police Officer with Daily Expenses. Click to Donate: https://t.co/t0A4jc3l5I #GoFundMe

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

This thing is starting to hurt more and more. I want to go back to work but my injuries aren't cooperating. It's been almost eight months now and no real end in sight.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

Well @amigoskings, no salsa bar, no more visits from me.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

@netflix must not be replacing DVDs anymore. I've had The Mummy Returns on my list forever and it keeps getting bypassed as "Very Long Wait." I've actually got 15 of my 74 DVDs in Queue showing a wait and additional 21 with unknown availability. Starting to get frustrated.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

It's nice to know that my wife still finds me so amazing on #ValentinesDay . She sighed and said that sometimes I just amaze her. I'm glad I can still bring that spark!

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

#Fireworks should really be allowed on #ChristmasEve, especially for neighborhoods where everyone but a kid's parents know he's a brat. That way they can set up a flak barrage around the little fink to keep #Santa out.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

When someone is #hunting #Reindeer, are there different requirements if they catch them in the air? I mean is there a special flying animal stamp? Also, are they required to use shotguns or rifles? If they're on the ground but you spook them and they take off, do things change?

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

Dog as snowflake hits the ground - BARK BARK BARK BARK

Cat as glass breaks, people scream, house shakes - Feed me before you die.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

Why can't we put #Thanksgiving before #Halloween? Think of the creative turkey treats that kids could get from those leftovers!

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

I'd just celebrated 20 years in #LawEnforcement last month. Last week, a domestic disturbance and a suspect that didn't want to be handcuffed pretty much destroyed my shoulder when we ended up in a pile on the floor. Suspect still went to jail, not sure when I'll work again.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

If they can't #FundTheUSPS then maybe they can use the military to sort letters while they wait for politicians to start a new war.

[R. Brian McFarland @brianmcfa]

So does anyone else think that when stores put an "X" on the floor to mark #SocialDistance that they should also hang a large rock or anvil over that spot?