Broke o'Clock

Socially-acceptable incompetent

[Broke o'Clock @brokeOclock]

When 50 cent gives advice he becomes 48 cent

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

“Living well is the best revenge.”

Alexa, what is the second best revenge?

[mariana Z @mariana057]

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of worcestershire sauce?

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

Ice cream isn't meant to be eaten in public; it's meant to be eaten at home, in your PJs while crying.

[Drew (some assembly required) @dmc1138]

I just found $5 in the dryer, if anyone is looking for an experienced money launderer.

[Ok Kate @Kateness8]

I really want a family

sized bag of peanut butter m&ms

[gas station dream girl @cheygoulet]

What іdіot called іt “parmesan cheese” and not Spaghettі Confettі?

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

can’t tell if my exhaustion is from the heat or living through a constant barrage of historic events for the past 7 years

[Broke o'Clock @brokeOclock]

You always see backed by science you never see backed by the bible

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Absolutely lethargic from daylight savings, I can barely drag an email from the inbox to trash.

[Broke o'Clock @brokeOclock]

We talk too much as a society

[Tater 🍁🐾 @TrueTorontoGirl]

If you're going to eat three cookies you might as well eat six or eight.

[I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids]

Delayed in a busy airport and my kid is playing with kids from 4 different continents and the parents are like isn’t this fun and I’m like uh huh so fun but inside I’m 99% sure we’re living the plot of the next outbreak movie

[NurseBrianRN @rn_murse]

(reading) there are 8 billion people in the world

my brain: there are 16 billion buttcheeks in the world

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Daylight savings santa didn’t eat the huge plate of sirloin beef I left out for him.

[mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo]

Twas the night before Daylight Savings and all through the house,
Folks were asking, didn’t we ban this shit last year?

[postmodern baseball ☕️ @TomSchally]

the clock in my car is about to be correct again.

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

Phantom of the Opurra

[eLeni @eleniZarro]

I stayed up to watch the clock go from 1:59 to 3:00 am because you know, time travel