Sloaner Boner

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

I haven't a care in the world.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

I can't handle stupid people.

[✿ sabana ✿ @velvetvoiddd]

My underwear match and I feel like it's gonna be a good day.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

@danieltosh #Yum

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

My roommates child makes me think crystal meth is a good idea..... Or any substance that will tune out a little shit head.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

I need to get the fuck out of my house before I start killing things under 3ft tall.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

If the situation isn't perfect, I don't want it.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

I fell in love with him
because he loved me
when I couldn't love myself.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

Chill in the car until 5min clock in. Cause every second of not being there counts.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

I don't "Twerk" I Jiggle awkwardly.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

Contrary to the popular belief, 911 dispatchers are not heroes. They are loud breathing, self praising, fat asses who never attended college

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

Alcohol makes girls courageous.
#GirlCode #RealTalk

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

Reason being single is the best.
1. You have the bed to yourself.
2. You only share your bed if you want
3. 99 problems and he isn't one.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

No matter how hard I try, I can barely keep my head above water. I'm drained physically, mentally and emotionally

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

Real men take care of women.
It's not the other way around.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

I hate people that mooch.
Make your own money bitch.

[Sloaner Boner @brownsloane4]

I contemplate quitting my job every time my alarm goes off.