TRANSLATION SERVICES

Translating political PR, tub thumping and doublespeak into English.

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I hate people who just tweet for likes & retweets!

Like and retweet if you agree.

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@sophagemcmuffin @giddyvongiddy @adamhillscomedy @TheLastLeg Holy fuck… A Chelsea fan talking about ‘class’.

And they say people on Twitter don’t get irony!

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@supertanskiii @giddyvongiddy @ronanburtenshaw @RMTunion You’re claiming it’s sexist. It’s not sexist. When you do that, you push the cause of gender equality backwards.

Just accept your error and move on.

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@cornishbumpkin1 @giddyvongiddy @AndyMitten @donhutch4 Hahahaha. Man Utd fans are a weird bunch. Lesbians the lot of you!

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@MichelleDuffy33 @giddyvongiddy @GrandadofOscar @lmharpin TRANSLATION: I do not own the courage of my misguided Twitter comments and cannot back up what I say.

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@sophielouisecc TRANSLATION: I hate who I am. Stop highlighting why I’m a terrible person!

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@DouglasKMurray TRANSLATION: PLEASE BUY MY BADLY WRITTEN BOOK!!!

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@lucyallan TRANSLATION: “We regret that Rwanda did not support our recommendation to conduct transparent, credible & independent investigations into allegations of human rights violations including deaths in custody & torture.”

UK Government, July 2021

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@sophielouisecc TRANSLATION: I don’t know the difference between refugees, asylum seekers and illegal immigrants. I am stupid and should probably stay quiet on the subjects I know nothing about.

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@sophielouisecc TRANSLATION: I will say and do anything my right-wing paymasters tell me to. I have no thoughts of my own.

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@darrengrimes TRANSLATION: I know nothing about the genocidal history of Rwanda. I am a moron.

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@tomhunt1988 @GNev2 TRANSLATION: I am an MP and I have strong views on the asylum system, yet don’t know what the rules of seeking asylum are.

I should probably shut up.

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@sophielouisecc Tell me that you know nothing about economics without telling me that you know nothing about economics…

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@MattHancock TRANSLATION: Under this Tory Government, we will do everything we can to turn this grotty, racist, classist, lying, sewage spewing country into the deregulated tax haven that Margaret Thatcher would have wanted!

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@Independent TRANSLATION: Father charged with hate crime for committing a hate crime.

Fixed it.

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@stevebrookstein @adilray TRANSLATION: WHY WONT YOU LET ME BE RACIST???

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@darrengrimes TRANSLATION: Brexit and 11 years of a Tory Government have caused economic chaos in this country. I’m trying to blame refugees because I’m a massive thundercunt!!

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@RobertJenrick TRANSLATION: I don’t understand the judicial process in this country. Also, PLEASE don’t bring up my own ‘unlawful’ behaviour when twice breaking lockdown rules, or when approving the Westferry Housing Development, or the other dodgy planning approvals I oversaw for Tory donors!

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@darrengrimes TRANSLATION: Disliking a political ideology and disliking slavery and slave owners are not the same thing.

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@darrengrimes @YouTube TRANSLATION: I hate it when people destroy ‘public property’… Unless that ‘public property’ is destroyed by underfunding or privatisation. Then I’m all for it!!