Howiefelterboobs

Well shit! ig: bullbag7997

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

Govt. shutdown...psh... I'd rather have hbo back on my dish network..first world problems

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

If you don't think @paulrudd cant play every part of a doobies brothers movie, we can't be friends!

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

I'd rather Bear Grylls teach me how to survive on 8 dollars until next payday!

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

If you don't think "here comes the bride, all fat and wide" when the wedding march plays, we can't be friends.

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

@CleverGirl85 Heyyyy! I've become a lurker

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

Hey people who say the book is better....get yourself a 4k TV.

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

You mean "FTW" DOESN'T mean "for the win"?

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

Do not, under any circumstances, for any reason, Nair your balls....you're welcome

[Whimsical Wordsmith @Whimsical84]

Ballpark franks are like regular franks, except they tend to make rough estimates.

[Josh @iwearaonesie]

wife: Do you think you'll ever stop quoting "Gangsta's Paradise"?

me: The way things are going I don't know

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

Fuck you "timehop" for reminding me just how long I've been miserable.

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

I tell people I'm training for a marathon! I don't tell them it's a "Law and Order" marathon and I've gained 8lbs....

[Jennifer Amanda @blvckhevrted]

don't get mad when i pull a you on you

[Jennifer Amanda @blvckhevrted]

why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone

[Dirty Shirley @CleverGirl85]

Every day I continue TEMPORARILY living with my mother-in-law, I get one step closer to PERMANENTLY murdering her

[Dirty Shirley @CleverGirl85]

"But if we start walking now, we can make it to New Orleans in time Mardi Gras!"

Drunk People Logic.

[Dirty Shirley @CleverGirl85]

Apparently vomiting isn't the most professional response when HR asks if you've had sexual relations with your boss

[Dirty Shirley @CleverGirl85]

Nice try, bras designed for anything other than support

[emjay 🥀🖤 @monigrms]

I like that my Fitbit shows how many calories I've burned like maybe I walked somewhere and not just cried enthusiastically in the shower

[Howiefelterboobs @bullfrog_1979]

It's "beer before whiskey you're in the cliskey" right?