Cait Sumner

Trying to be a C-list celebrity or lower.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

#giveaway The HUGE $1000 All About Reading Color Edition Givewaway! Through 1/10/19 @LearningPress https://t.co/HxQUtEyiC5

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

Arbitrarily putting food I don't hate in my body. #lunch #tgif

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

80% of my jokes come to me when I'm trying to fall asleep at night. So they already have bad timing.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

Oh no, she finally did it. Phoebe let the Phanatic's evil twin out of the attic... This is gonna end up just like that Simpson's episode with Bart and Hugo. #gritty

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

Update: just noticed some of these blueberries taste weird....

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

New parenting level unlocked: evil genius

#blueberriesandblackbeans #gotchyasucka

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

The only thing worse than a bad peanut, is a bad peanut M&M.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

Really nailing it lately. #thanksdad

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

If you guessed "Wholesale Club size bottle of seasoning fell from a high shelf," you'd be correct. You'd also be correct if you guessed I took this photo while sitting on the toilet.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

I just don't understand why no one is talking about the real issues-- people aren't performing enough cunnilingus.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

Someone just took a family photo right next to my son's balls.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

@TheDookness is a goddamn hero.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

Just a few things I found in the dryer yesterday 🐊

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

No. This is not real life.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

My 3 year old just told me about his plans for a musical stand up show where the crowd is made up of all animals. I even got to hear the opening number. It's pretty fucking good.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

"You're still a great butt wiper" -my 3 year old

I love being put in my place while also receiving a compliment.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

Hello, is it me you're pooping for? #songsfrommytoilet

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

There's only one way to settle this- @KingJames, @realDonaldTrump, and @donlemon- @Jeopardy.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

Tonight my kid showed true fear for the first time. And I laughed and laughed and laughed when we couldn't find that damn spider.

[Cait Sumner @CaitSummmsss]

@LaTiceComedy Shake it like a polaroid picture