allium advocate

carpe diem: seize the.......DMs

[ryan @OhItsRyan]

The most chaotic places Jessie J has performed. A THREAD:

[adam @brokeangeI]

and for my next trick i’ll take it personally

[urethra franklin @nothankssrry]

Kitchen Nightmares but for the T.J. Maxx shoe department

[Charles Cornell @_charlescornell]

and i oop-

#andioop

[allium advocate @calebpolsky]

@LOGnblack @dubstep4dads

[allium advocate @calebpolsky]

@Gabi_hajos I don’t know just laugh and give me my phone back

[allium advocate @calebpolsky]

@donthavefaith What if Penelope was pronounced like cantaloupe

[Tatum Turn Up @tatumturnup]

*middle-aged dad sees someone he knows at a restaurant*

don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it

“so they just let anyone in here now? haha hey man”

[𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 @KLobstar]

Muppets in rank of their value ($ per ounce) as exotic meats:

1) Gonzo
2) Dr Teeth
3) Bunsen Honeydew
4) Fozzie Bear
5) Beaker
6) Rowlf the dog
7) Swedish Chef
8) the entire Electric Mayhem band
9) Pepe the King Prawn
10) Animal
11) Sam Eagle

[allium advocate @calebpolsky]

@naysaxo Oh no oh no oh no like a fine wine