Owning cats will make it look like you don't clean up after yourself.
Why has there been an envelope in the middle of the living room floor for the past two months, you ask?
Because it's his favorite envelope, that's why
realizing that a lot of the resentment I’ve been feeling lately comes from accepting the short end of the stick as if I was doing the noble thing when really I’m letting my unhappiness with people feed itself but pretending it’s some sick kind of martyrdom. I don’t wanna be that.
''That child you aborted could have cured Cancer.''
So could the child in Palestine, Ukraine, Lebanon, Congo and Sudan.
You know, the children who are murdered by governments you support.
Kat Williams saying "You having an unnatural allegiance to losers is not like you” plays at the forefront of my brain whenever I feel myself acting pathetic
There’s not a single timeline in any version of reality where 57 women would ever sit around and let a human being get tortured and raped for 7 hours just fyi
“Fucking the text man for texts”, “Young hoes cook everything on high”, “Omg you people can’t do anything” and “We’ve extensively talked about this, you’re just 21” are the four greatest tweets ever made.
The philosophical impact cannot be understated. Socratic level thinking
"She was going to a frat house, she knew what she was going to get."
Oh yeah?
If that's what frat houses are for, close them all entirely, immediately.
I fucking love people who become more themselves with age. Stranger taste. Clearer boundaries. Louder laugh. Less interest in impressing random people. Watching somebody slowly stop auditioning for the world is fucking beautiful.
"Friends is not funny"
"The Office is boring"
"Abbott Elementary is mid"
We get it. Nothing makes you laugh. Perhaps sitcoms are not for you. And that's fine