Malt (Helen Keller Truther)

destroyed by Hippie Powers

[sexual penis @sexual__penis]

She’s the only one who has a normal response to a toddler living in a house with iguanas and pythons and a cokehead single dad

[carl 🥦 @NightlifeMingus]

Basically no one is talking about the fact that Nathan Fielder intentionally deceives people into believing that a series of still images projected in quick succession is actually a “moving picture”

[The Theater Lovers | Will & Rachael @theater_lovers]

The line producer on the movie Grease:

[martin short 4ever @martinhayter_]

martin short relentlessly roasts conan o'brien (all-new material 😂)

[Malt (Helen Keller Truther) @camel_sweaters]

This is unironically an incredible idea

[Box @TommyInaBox]

The next terrifier movie should introduce a normal mime who is oblivious to Art's murders, who Art is incredibly jealous of, wich starts a Buggs Bunny and Elmer Fudd'esq rivarly between the two, with Art trying to kill the other mime but ending up brutally hurting himself

[Due# @JDue51]

Those kids aren’t hopping up and down. There’s a bunch of friends under the stadium shaking it.

[✧✦✧✦✧ @VOIDTHROAT]

hello @DairyQueen I am in your drive through and just saw a giant stick-insect unfold itself from behind a telephone pole and pluck the driver from the car in front of me. I have to be at work in five minutes and no one has come out to move his car. thank you and god bless.

[wicked wigger of the west @Nick_Cerveza]

He has a warriors heart and you can never take that from him

[Josh Billinson @jbillinson]

[yoda shaking an exhausted luke] blood clot, you have. stay awake, you must

[Maynard Dubuisson’s Top Guy @DARVOFACTORY]

Id rather kill myself than look or act or be like this guy and i think tech people dont understand that

[SIMONE 🩷 @parasocialyte]

they will speak of you for many years to come

[Deanner (Marlon Humphrey Hate Account) @IndeannaJones_]

@theblockspot Panthers

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

ELIZABETH HOLMES: of course it worked. the lights turned on. it was on the cloud

NATHAN FIELDER: ok. but you know what feelings are, right? like you have them?

WEIRD COCAINE HUSBAND: [watching youtube at 2x speed] babe it says here the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

[Taco @TacosTweets]

#Panthers QB Bryce Young is the first QB with at least 280 passing yards and a touchdown in each of his team's first five games of a season since 2013 when both Peyton Manning & Drew Brees did so.

Manning won MVP and led the Broncos to an NFL-record 606 points that season while Brees finished with 5,162 passing yards and helped the Saints to a playoff berth and Wild Card win.

Young leads the NFL with 309.8 passing yards per game while the Panthers' 146 points are the most through 5 games in franchise history.

per NFL Research

[ʙʟᴀɴᴅᴇ @JustBlande]

THE CAROLINA PANTHERS ARE OFFICIALLY ABOVE .500 #KeepPounding

[Joe Person @josephperson]

Panthers have 144 in penalty yards today, the most in a single game in team history.

[Primetime Carolina @primetimecar]

Haven’t had a QB with this kind of aura since you know who

[Malt (Helen Keller Truther) @camel_sweaters]

Him getting sassy is making me believe he’s the guy just so he can get fired in 3 weeks

[Fabrizio Romano @FabrizioRomano]

🚨 Michael Carrick: “The perspective is important and football can change”.

“We've had a spell where we haven't won some football games, all right?”.

“Correct me if I'm wrong, are we four points off the top four or something?”.

[Gary Treeman @PurpyNFL]

Probably not I would guess

[Pukicho @pukicho]

Try our famous local ice cream spot. It’s like normal ice cream except it’s here.