Candy Teets

exactly what you think but i raised goats as a kid #doubleentrendre

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

Hey @spotify what playlist do u rec when u get home from a 3hr date listening to a finance bro talk about himself? Confidence Boost & Life Sucks seem premature. Do you offer an Anti-Vampire 🧛‍♂️ or No More Wolf 🐺 mix?

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

@MsKetherDonohue I love you & I love you as Denise on Champions. GO ON you bad bitch 🚬��😍😍

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

Oh how fun. Contact ConEd 🤷🏻‍♀️#conEd

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

I sat in the back of my cab 2nite & listened to my cabbie scream at me at the top of his lungs about why his scam route was real. #nyc

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

@Doorman out of the 3 deliveries this last week, you have botched 2. Do you think that a 33% success rate will sustain your business?🤔 #math

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

Curb app says they'll pick u up. Everytime EVERYTIME I regret everything, all of it. Its like the 90's but Without ecstasy.

[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

"military spending on erectile dysfunction medicines amounts to $84 million annually" according to the Military Times https://t.co/6s3IwImgC0

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

I hope deep down Trump voters realize the increasing amount of psychological & perhaps even physical damage they've done to fellow Americans

[Josh Gad @joshgad]

Anyone who willing to serve 2 defend his/her country & put themselves in harm's way should have that right regardless of sexual orientation

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

We all need some puppy vids during this trying time. #healthcareforall not tax cuts for 400 - THATS FOUR HUNDRED HOUSEHOLDS @senrobportman

[Chelsea Clinton @ChelseaClinton]

Good morning Mr. President. It would never have occurred to my mother or my father to ask me. Were you giving our country away? Hoping not. https://t.co/4ODjWZUp0c

[Sen. Bernie Sanders @SenSanders]

The women of America deserve better than 13 male senators deciding the future of their health care behind closed doors.

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

Beautiful little french teenfrog just asked me twice about the "subway downtown"
Bitch still got it 🙋🏻

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

When someone asks "how are you?" And you say good but you have a pedialyte & nexium in your purse

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

Ugh i said Seinfeld at dinner 2nite & now thats the top video on my insta search 😑😑😑😑 #instagram #instalistens

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

To the asshole screaming "WHYYYYY" at 16th & 6th ave: we get it, you're F-ing terrifying. Now SHUT THE FUCK UP. #NYC #crackisback ?

[ICYESTTWAT @FUCCl]

we're about to find out. https://t.co/yopFcQ3Ygq

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

My Russian supers 50 yr old wife just snuck in at 12:30 on a wednesday so I would DEFINITELY say the future is female.

[Hend Amry @LibyaLiberty]

After the Trump inauguration, some neighbors left this letter on my uncle's door in Cincinnati, Ohio.

[Candy Teets @CandyTeets]

In White House today, 7 women make bold moves towards a better America."We know what’s best for men's health" #executiveorders