Caffeinated

Coffee with a law license.

[Caffeinated @cappucino]

If your science is informed by your politics then you are doing both wrong.

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@samkarlin @EntergyLA Definitely not a denial of the estimate in there once.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I went to In-N-Out and ordered a cheeseburger. The cashier, a calm young woman named Destiny, asked me a question I did not expect.

"You want that Animal Style?"

I paused.

I did not know what this meant. But a samurai does not admit he does not know. So I answered with weight.

"...Animal Style."

"Cool. So that's mustard-grilled, extra spread, grilled onions, pickles. Yeah?"

I understood now. This was a sacred permission. For one meal, I was being told to put down my manners at the door. To eat the way a beast eats, without shame. I had waited my whole life for someone to give me this order.

"Yes," I said. "I will become the animal."

Destiny did not blink. "...Okay. You want your fries Animal Style too?"

I stopped. Even the potatoes?

"The potatoes also become animals?"

"I mean, they get cheese and sauce and grilled onions, so..."

"Then yes. Let the potatoes abandon their restraint as well."

"...Got it." She was the calmest woman I have ever met. "3x3, 4x4, or just the one?"

I did not know these numbers, but I knew a challenge when I heard one. "How many must I face?"

"It's, like, how many patties you want."

"How many is the most honorable?"

"...Four is a lot."

"Then four. A warrior does not ask for fewer."

She wrote it down without argument. A 4x4, Animal Style, with animal fries. She warned me once, kindly. "That's gonna be huge." I told her I was counting on it.

It arrived. It was a tower. Cheese and sauce ran down my hands the moment I lifted it. There was no clean way to eat it. There was no dignified way. That was the entire point.

I ate it like a beast. Both hands, no honor, grilled onion on my chin, and I have to be honest with you, it was the best thing I have ever put in my mouth.

For thirty years I have kept my manners at every table in the world.

They handed me a burger and told me to be an animal, and I have never felt so free.

So tell me, America.

The whole country knows the secret menu. What else are you hiding in plain sight?

And "Animal Style." Was I eating the animal, or finally becoming one?

[Caffeinated @cappucino]

@allenanalysis Caught? That’s flaunting! And good on them.

[Caffeinated @cappucino]

@HestonChurchill @kellsmill @allenanalysis The only thing y’all are capable of is projection.

[Brian Krassenstein @krassenstein]

BREAKING: New information has leaked indicating that in 2022 The president’s oldest son, Hunter Biden traveled with his father to China to meet President Xi, while, running a business that his father had the majority ownership in.

Oops, never mind, that was Eric Trump today.

[Caffeinated @cappucino]

@GreenWaveBSB Hope y’all got the homerun ball we dropped off!

[Nikolaj🇺🇦🇵🇸 @nikicaga]

Feel like the Bible is quite explicit on this one

[Caffeinated @cappucino]

@HellRaz0r1776 Pulling that joke from the 1990’s vault.

[Democratic Wins Media @DemocraticWins]

BREAKING: In a stunning moment, Republican Randy Fine just exposed Republican Senate Leader John Thune for getting an escort to skip through lines at the airport. Thune and Fine are both responsible for TSA not being funded and the rest of America having long security lines. Wow.

[Caffeinated @cappucino]

@marknorm How good at your job must you be when you can still get hired to a public facing job with that name.

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@lizaboth He is saying this flagrant bullshit with full knowledge all of their contracts prohibit fighting (and most high risk activities). Now, a free agent between contracts could rock his ass.

[Caffeinated @cappucino]

@SECBarstool Found the Georgia fan!

[Gene Trevino @GenoVeno73]

🚨 HOLY SHIT

Today, February 23, 2026, during a Congressional testimony, former ICE lawyer Ryan Schwank testified that he, "received secretive orders to teach new cadets to violate the Constitution."

Ryan Schwank stated on his very first day as an instructor at the ICE Academy (May 12, 2025), he was handed a memo by his supervisor, told to read it in the supervisor’s presence and immediately return it, and instructed to teach new cadets that ICE officers could enter homes without a judicial warrant — which he says directly violates the Fourth Amendment. His supervisor also warned him that two prior instructors had been fired for questioning the memo’s legality.

👇👇👇👇

[Ali Ahmadi @AliR_Ahmadi]

God damn.

[Christopher Miller @chrizmillr]

Every time there’s a news story about RFK it sounds like someone used Cards Against Humanity cards to fill in a Mad Libs

[Caffeinated @cappucino]

@MaxPreps @Seahawks @Patriots @NFL @SuperBowl @DilfersDimes @CIFState @SteveYoungQB @donovanjmcnabb @OmahaProd @Hasselbeck Shocking that Florida doesn’t have one.

[☮️ Aspie's Maven  ☮️ @DoctorRobin]

@JoyceWhiteVance Where is CONGRESS????

[Paul Pabst @PaulPabst]

Early candidate for saddest tweet of the year.

[Caffeinated @cappucino]

@NOSaintsMuse @SleeperSaints @SaintsLeadSM Gruppe is good people, y’all. Come on.