Kristin Kirkley

Comedian. Producer. Filmmaker. #BrokeBoiFilm Producer/Performer -@DLS_Improv . Creator/Host - @TroubadourNYC .

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

True Story…

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

It’s not too soon. He would have loved that joke. … and this pussy. 😉

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

Of recent celebrity deaths, Bob Saget’s hurts the most because, as a 90s kid with daddy issues, I always thought he and I would eventually fuck.

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

I don’t know who to tell this to but Chris Columbus wrote, directed, or produced at least one of your favorite Christmas movies.

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

What was the purpose of having the Power Rangers also have dinosaur alter-egos? They were already endowed with super human abilities as a consequence of a several millennia long space war so they could fight evil aliens. I’m not mad but like… Why also dinosaurs?

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

“I’m a Slave 4 U” was literal. #FreeBritney

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

Okay, hear me out… UN-HINGED…
A dating app for those us who thrive in chaos.
✌️😎✌️

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

Is there a long german word for wanting to get coffee with all of your ex-lovers just to remind yourself why you made the choices you did and prove to yourself once again you’re not crazy? …
Is there a word for that?!

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

@johnaugust and @clmazin ... meet... @PromisingFilm (Promising Young Woman). The female ethical sociopath you are looking for. The movie even includes a direct reference to “Night of the Hunter” and deals with the human narrative of vengeance.

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

@JYSexton Where is this image from?

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

Hi! It’s 2020 and the world is literally on fire but don’t worry because... (uses predictive text)... @Mucinex is now making fashion PJs.

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

I’m living with roommates for the first time in three months. Having to put clothes on to leave my bedroom is really fucking with my routine.

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

You know you like to party when you see a five year old in a shirt that says “smart girls club” and you’re like “right on, little lady” because you read “club” as a verb.

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

Based on books.

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

I’m addicted to television series about Rich women told in flash backs, starring Reese Witherspoon.

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

@nyc311 halsey and Irving used to have public trash cans. What happened?

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

@bejohnce My 10 year old mind could not wrap my head around how a tiny boat could float by “displacing water” in a giangantic ocean. I always envisioned the sea level rising. Now I smoke weed think hard on this same subject. 🤯😎

[Kristin Kirkley @captainkirkley]

Life Hack: When you give Manic Pixie Dream Girl a thunder stone she evolves into Cool Mom.