careyestes

[careyestes @careyestes]

Y’all remember watching Bob Ross and he would do something, and you’d be like, “Ya fucked up Bob”, only for him to prove you insanely wrong two minutes later?

[careyestes @careyestes]

Michael Dudikoff walked so Ryan Gosling could run.

[careyestes @careyestes]

Show me someone who says they don’t flinch just a little EVERYTIME they turn on the garbage disposal and I’ll show you a liar.

[careyestes @careyestes]

That countdown timer on 2FA gives me some unneeded anxiety

[careyestes @careyestes]

Y’all don’t know it yet but what you really want @Disney @starwars to make is a David Attenborough style documentary on Tauntauns.

[careyestes @careyestes]

You will never feel as useless as when you tell an amazing joke in front of your four year old and he doesn’t laugh.

[careyestes @careyestes]

I just want someone to run to me the way Sue runs towards Mick.

[careyestes @careyestes]

After watching AotC, I’m pretty sure Vader was created out of a massive thirst trap.

[careyestes @careyestes]

It's not "Higher than normal call volume" if it's everyday. That's the new normal.

[careyestes @careyestes]

“Hello?” is the “Polo” of “I’m right here. Come kill me.”

[careyestes @careyestes]

@CookieDoughlite Eyes up Guardian. Welcome aboard.

[careyestes @careyestes]

@DollarGeneral needs to hire more operators.

[careyestes @careyestes]

Goodbye Knoxville and Knoxvillians. I’ll miss you all. Well...most of you.

[careyestes @careyestes]

When you're playing emotional games but don't mean to, it should be called unintendo.

[careyestes @careyestes]

DJquery: It's like being a DJ, but all the work is done with less buttons and "real DJ's" hate it.

[careyestes @careyestes]

This latest Mickey Mouse Clubhouse design looks like someone murder killed Mickey, chopped him up, and made a True Detective sculpture.

[careyestes @careyestes]

https://t.co/GGf8Dds9CF

[careyestes @careyestes]

Things they don’t tell you about parenthood:

You will have 2 sets clothes.

1. The clothes you never wear because they are nice and you don’t want to get them dirty.

2. The 2 shirts and 2 pants you rotate through every 5 days because you don’t shower much these days.

[careyestes @careyestes]

Thanks ColdFusion: https://t.co/k8B1PKxHtS

[careyestes @careyestes]

New drinking game for this quarantine. Watch @bonappetit . You have to take a drink when someone says “bright” of “umami”. You must finish your drink if @mollybaz says she doesn’t like chocolate.