Carly Hallam

I write for Brooklyn 99 and Tosh.0. I have very small feet.

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

Would you like a printed receipt or would you like us to email you 3-5 times a week for the rest of your life?

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

I don’t know you from Adam …Levine.
I have a condition where I think everyone is Adam Levine.

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

Husband tested negative for covid but positive for being a lil’ bitch every time he gets sick.

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

@PaymanBenz @abobrow I am completely obsessed.

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

@PaymanBenz @abobrow Everything is shot in Canada in summer. The supporting cast is all Canadian. Non-negotiables: female lead, snowball fight, cookie decorating, ice skating, romance that almost falls apart at the bottom of act 8 then is fixed in 9. And as soon as they kiss, the movie promptly ends.

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

@abobrow @PaymanBenz My expertise is limited to the Hallmark channel Christmas movies. Which are VERY different Andy!!!

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

Guy with a fake sounding name is... guy with a fake sounding name

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

Salesperson: My daughter’s name was Carly...
Me: *Feels bad for salesperson’s tragic loss*
Salesperson: ...But she thought it was a horrible name so she changed it.
Me: *Vows to kill daughter*

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

Watch #brooklyn99 tonight at 8:30 to see the episode my parents are calling the best half hour of television ever!

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

The world is your oyster so forcibly remove it from its home, pry it open with a knife, cover that shit in Tabasco, and swallow it whole.

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

Chuck E. Cheese’s full name is Charles Entertainment Cheese. Good luck not thinking about that every second of your day.

[Melissa Fumero @melissafumero]

Thank you @glaad!!! “Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a more interesting, better place” https://t.co/MpgWq9yLnS

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

@abobrow I can tell you used to work in advertising.

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

@officialDannyT @Brooklyn99FOX @AndySamberg @iamstephbeatz You’re on at 9!!! Don’t miss yourself!

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

Please watch tonight’s Brooklyn 99! @iamstephbeatz is amazing. You will laugh...and maybe cry? https://t.co/EHo0lGhRvw

[Stephanie Beatriz @iamstephbeatz]

tonight’s #brooklyn99 is very special to me. I’d like you to meet Rosa’s folks.

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

California is burning, the world has gone insane, but I took the time to write this thing: https://t.co/kv9BJ6H5Rf

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

So excited for next week’s episode! https://t.co/WO6j2tEsfo

[Entertainment Weekly @EW]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine star Stephanie Beatriz on Rosa's revelation, what's next https://t.co/Wl2DWB8QhP

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

Put on your jam jams and watch something funny tonight at 9:30!

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

@JamesRPatton @whoisSamJarvis @nickmalis This is great

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

If your name is Antonia you are legally obligated to become a yoga instructor.

[Carly Hallam @carlyhallam]

@djgoor I remember this differently. But it is a GREAT idea.