lynxiceater

gay as hell
pfp by @LovelornArt

[Erik Dale 🇳🇴 @EuroDale]

We do.

[Haya 🇵🇸 @pettipali]

He’s a targaryen supremacist who refused to consumate his marriage with his first wife because she was not valyrian, he does NOT have bastards

[Conor D. Oil @RealConorOil]

Count Binface has my endorsement.

[isa 🇵🇸🇫🇷🇳🇴 @flamencotears]

Tough crowd

[ALUTHEDON @Mbakaza4L]

I am convinced that Mamdani is fixing things that’s been bugging him for years. I don’t blame him obviously, it just cracks me up.

[Labour Press @labourpress]

Turns out we were wrong. Reform UK really are re-writing the rules of modern politics.

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

David Attenborough has become the oldest man to be nominated for an Emmy at 100 years old.

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Owain @orhunt]

whenever a pepito* post goes viral I am reminded of possibly one of my favourite tweets of all time

[Scott Bryan @scottygb]

Does election rules mean that British broadcasting has to give equal coverage to a bin?

[Mr Melancholy @chakravartiiin]

They were so right to bring their own food

[Alexei @MUFC_redarmy99]

Honestly if Farage loses a by election to a bin who wants to nationalise Adele, I will never stop laughing

[Jacob Collier MP @JacobCollierMP]

Lots of support for @CountBinface already 🗑️

[fareed 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 @it_is_fareed]

You may laugh at count binface, but his “maximum voting age of 80” is a far more serious policy for fixing the country than literally anything offered by any other political party.

[Danny Chambers MP 🩺 @DannyVet]

We are keeping a seat warm for you @CountBinface

Bring it on home!

[Tharries @TharriesYT]

There’s something so funny about putting out such a serious campaign video to fight a bin

[Archie🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 @CymraegATFC]

Back in the day you could wear full suits of armour into parliament until woke came in 1313

[Aria Faye @Ariafayeee]

it’s a long shot but I’m the girl in the OG photo!! can we ratio all of them?

[Rachel Reeves @RachelReevesMP]

I will accept Nigel Farage’s request to be appointed Steward and Bailiff of the Manor of Northstead.

It is a farce and a desperate distraction, and the people of Clacton deserve better.

But if he wants to spend the summer arguing with a bin, I won't stop him.