christy bonstell

Comedy writer. Actor. Burns mouth on most foods.

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

#braids #braid #quarantinehair #hair #StayHome #longhair #Memes

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

Same, Lori. Same.

@chicagosmayor #StayHome #COVID19Pandemic #shelteringinplace #Chicago #Corona #lorilightfoot #chicagomayor

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

Your Tiger King name is your "weird" uncle's name and the first word on the description of your shampoo.

#TigerKing #TigerKingNetflix

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

One and a half hours today. Gave up at three hours yesterday. I can't even give @Chase the money for my new auto loan. Unreal. #CHASE #chasebank

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

It's a damn shame this is happening in the winter because an im-peach/mint iced tea sounds delicious.

#ImpeachmentDay #impeachment #tea

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

DC THE BRAIN SUPREME started following me today and I found out it's "whoomp" not "whoop." So there it is. I believe I am shook. #hiphop #90s #jockjams #dancedsohard

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

I haven't so much instilled a love of football in my son so much as a hatred of Tom Brady. #nfl #football #chicagobears #sundayfootball #parenting

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

@tira_son Such utter bullshit.

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

I just realized that "he who smelt it dealt it" is both literally and figuratively #Gaslighting.
#farts #women #stopgaslighting

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

If you are one of those people who says "You're probably thirsty" when I say I'm hungry then we can't be friends.

#food #water #waterisnotfood #diet #friends #feedme

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

American Airlines is garbage. Missing seat trays, broken toilets, delayed with no heads up @AmericanAir. Just #thewo

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

@redrobinburgers The veggie burger was one of my favorite foods ever. And the only reason I ate at Red Robin. So very bummed.

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

My son letting the @nytimesphoto know they made a little error. We live wild and free on… https://t.co/PQGLSgVIwF

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

Made a momemy today when I didn't follow a pto suggestion. #rebel #momemy #momlife #enemy #PTO #parenting #motherhood

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

I don't have proof but Trump took all the shoulders from women's shirts.
#coldshoulder #russiagate #wewantshoulders #springfashion

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

"No one ever talks about what happened to Chi-Chi's."

--something I lamented over dinner.

#chichis #malls #wherediditgo #90s

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

"Look up and you'll see the penguins flying." --overheard at the zoo from a father to a son. #americanschools #science #greatestnation

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

Just compulsively fixed my hair prior to being handed my Culvers flavor of the day. I guess I wanted to look good for it. #culvers #custard

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

Today's the day when at least one person shouts "Erin Go Bragh-less" at me. Yay! #irish #redhair #StPatricksDay

[christy bonstell @cbonstell]

@KarisaBruin @TMobile nope. Still letting people open lines on my account