carson

part time felon

[josh @joshypooper]

do you take instagram user not found to be your lawfully wedded wife

[𝔇𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔲𝔰 𝔈𝔤𝔤 @castingahex]

phone, wallet, the curse, keys, vape

[ひ @richoffud]

missionary so we can keep arguing

[nick naney @nicknaney]

My penis falls off a lot when I’m walking home and sometimes when I’m in a mood I won’t even reattach it I’ll just kick it down the road and hope a wolf doesn’t get it before my butler

[ArceusBowser @ArceusBowser212]

what. the. fuck.

they just said ai-generated cp is legal.

[b @cuntybangs]

was what we had real or cake

[𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 @KLobstar]

a red dot shines on my chest as a single gunshot echoes, but I look down and I am unscathed

on the rooftop above me the Duolingo owl holsters his pistol, the sniper dead

my phone chimes- “Tu esposa contrató a un sicario.” I don’t understand because I haven’t been studying

[tre @losingmytop]

I hate when you can tell that the woman in the DoorDash couple be getting beat on

[100 @yh_me2]

they’re making a day when things can be better and they’re calling it tomorrow

[𝖐𝖚𝖘𝖍𝖇𝟔𝖗𝖇𝖎𝖊❦™️ @kushb6rbie]

geeked off what once was

[grace @gracefishlove]

ur hating on me and im kinda seeing where ur coming from

[cav empty @cavempty_]

i likely died many years ago and this is all a fabrication created as a sort of purgatory for me whether thats to to teach me something or punish im not sure but i appreciate all your efforts in making this feel so real

[Anakin Skywanker @DarthBater97]

Dick too fat doctor had me taking girth control pills

[Sean @panoptisean]

You are hereby sentenced to eating the food you have at your house

[. @playboicurrryy]

saying "are our" in a sentence

[josh @joshypooper]

if you’re a bug just be careful ok

[Marlboro Apologist @CyclicalYearner]

Horror game where your only source of light is when you hit your vape

[ieva @mourninglambs]

I show up at the bars just ugly as fuck

[grace @gracefishlove]

Fool me once I kill myself on the spot