b

bulimic & depressed ❄️🌙 tw

[b @celestialghosts]

🌚thread of memes etc🌝

[b @celestialghosts]

lmaoooooo back on my ED bullshit: a memoir

[b @celestialghosts]

I decided I was gonna have a productive week but I haven’t washed, got dressed or left the house since sunday evening

I did tidy my room yesterday though

[b @celestialghosts]

actually signed into twitter to check something on my main acc I didn’t realise I still had the login for this one and I just spent an hour triggering myself with old posts

[b @celestialghosts]

oh hey twitter it’s been a minute

hope nobody is active on these accounts anymore because they’re all happy and safe and well now

[b @celestialghosts]

had a dream that I was trying to find somewhere to purge but my family kept appearing out of nowhere and interrupting so I woke up feeling panicked

[b @celestialghosts]

have a night out with some girls from work next month and they all look so amazing in their dresses I wanna die I’m so triggered

[b @celestialghosts]

now I have a migraine from crying

[b @celestialghosts]

note to self arguments that cause panic attacks that don’t get resolved result in self harm as some way to calm down

[b @celestialghosts]

I just cut myself for the first time in over 4 years lol fml

[b @celestialghosts]

drunk me is v honest I don’t even remember posting this but how accurate

[b @celestialghosts]

pretty sure the best thing to do rn is to quit my job and avoid human contact until I’ve lost 30lbs

[b @celestialghosts]

I asked my sister to buy me anti aging moisturiser for Christmas bc stress and anxiety are giving me worry lines on my forehead and I’m starting to look middle aged ugh

[b @celestialghosts]

side two “just let me die here”

ie. spend entire days in a binge purge cycle stuck between stuffing food into your mouth as fast as you can and heaving with your entire body over the toilet until you’re a puffy exhausted mess on the floor wishing for death

[b @celestialghosts]

two sides to my bulimia:

[b @celestialghosts]

side one “I’m so fine aren’t you just so fine”

ie. eat a more than you’re comfortable with among friends/ family, excuse yourself for a quick quiet purge, redo your lipstick, dab your eyes and pop on a smile, returning to the group pretending nothing happened

[b @celestialghosts]

I drank loads of wine and purged my dinner then went to bed without brushing my teeth but also I moisturised my feet with nice foot butter so I still think I’m winning at self care

[b @celestialghosts]

pretty sure the best thing to do rn is to quit my job and avoid human contact until I’ve lost 30lbs

[b @celestialghosts]

I hate to be a downer but I’ve purged like 6 times today

[b @celestialghosts]

I’m a fucking mess

[b @celestialghosts]

currently in the “recovery” stage (sort of) but really starting to notice my weight gain so new year may be another “I’m going to starve” resolution

[b @celestialghosts]

stuck in a cycle of recovering for a year or two then realising recovery meant weight gain, hating myself then relapsing hard for a year...