my sibling says i’m the one barrier keeping them from kts and im on call 24/7 and the millisecond i need some advice and reassurance im fucking blocked. sure. cry to me about your ideation and then ignore me when i’m the same. painful realizing your life means nothing. nothing.
realizing in real time the one family member you thought really knew you couldn’t give less of a fuck about you unless you play the role they’ve assigned you in their head is crazy. like realizing you’re truly alone.
living at home mid 20s has taught me that i actually had a bad childhood and that i am completely 100% on my own. have been relying on people who don’t know me and wouldn’t actually like me if they did.
seeing family for the first time in a while and they still are making comments about “you never eat” even tho i regained and my dad said im at 100 lbs holy body recomp - i was 100 lbs when they were talking about hospitalising me. i gotta quit drinking it’s ruining my potential
soooooooo stuck between getting as thin as possible and not getting uber thin bc i don’t like the sudden reversal into hyper feminine “dainty” women at a time when global politics is this conservative and violent against women.