Jose Mourinho

A special one - part two. ParodyAccount

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

@KateAitken1 Jose decided Jose doesn't do Twitter. Jose prefers the mystique of the master tactician

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

Jose will save that for the UEFA supercup maybe. Nothing says psychological mindgames better than a thumb in the eye

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

Jose would have dived out and tried to jab a thumb into Pep's eye, but the stench from Shweinsteigers jockstraps made Jose feel a bit faint

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

Jose was at Peps Bayern Munich press conf yesterday, hiding in a laundry basket. Brought back a lot of good memories for Jose #cfc

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

However, Jose did do his press conference naked from the waist down. You can look at Jose's face or his cock, but you'll look at Jose #cfc

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

Jose was mr nice guy today. Jose almost talked about Ross Turnbull for 45 min but then relented. The psychological warfare can wait #holiday

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

Sometimes you've got to go where everybody knows your name, and absolutely fucking loves you. Jose's home #cfc

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

But anyway, turns out Jose was in Madrid all along. If we'd thought to look there first we could have saved millions. MILLIONS #cfc

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

I didn't spend all the money on that trip. I've also financed a remake of story of Moses with corpse of Charlton Heston as Charlton Heston

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

1 problem: I blew next seasons transfer budget pursuing a woman in a burkha to Iran cos I thought it was # Mourinho in disguise #cfc

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

Ladies and gentlemen: We got him! #cfc #mourinhoreturns

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

Jose Mourinho was last spotted on an island in the south pacific. He's using the pseudonym Carmen Sandiago. Bring him in. #operationMourinho

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

I thought they were the actual Avengers. Turns out Hulk was actually the brazil player Hulk & Thor was Robbie Savage with a hammer #CFC

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

In football related news we're assembling the Avengers & tasking them with bringing in Mourinho as the new manager.

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

You are not getting one of my fucking kidneys.

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

So I have this friend who's dying & I'm like "I'll do anything for you, buddy" so he says I need 1 of your kidneys. Seriously?,!

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

That was this morning. Unbelievable.

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

Remember when I splashed toothpaste down the front of my pants & was vigorously rubbing it off & that little boy saw me & started crying?

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

Being #cfc chairman can be stressful. Anyone remember the time my aunt died & newspaper obituary read "beloved cunt" instead? Unbelievable

[Jose Mourinho @cfc_manager]

You only get so many chances for Jose's signature. Now we've got to try & capture him again & we used all our tranquilisers up on David Luiz