chance

I like my puns intended

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I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using chatgpt for anything

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What are you supposed to do when you feel like you’ve messed your entire life up

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All the dogs I’ve bet on lost and were immediately euthanized

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[quite possibly the most hopelessly depressed I’ve ever been] all good over here!

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@ultracrap You know ball

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Sometimes grief hits me so hard with no warning and I’m supposed to act as if I’m not being stabbed a billion times

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You can just tell anyone happy birthday and you’ll have a 1/366 chance of being right… tell a stranger happy birthday today

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Driving home from work. Time to forget how to operate a car and where my exit is so that I inconvenience everyone around me

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Leading a horse to water and telling him it’s cool if he doesn’t want to drink any and I just enjoy his company

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calling my dear friend Al Gore and telling him there’s something on his internet I don’t like and asking him to remove it

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@itsbreezyweezy So it was YOU who cut me off

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No way

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I love saying we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it because yay we get to go over a bridge

[W.E.B. DaBoi @Tyre_94]

Y’all are not prepared for what’s coming

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@Tyre_94 They’ve been soft-launching a police state for years to see what they can get away with, and the answer is: whatever they want

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At work I said “they’re going to compare apples to apples and come up with kumquats” and no idea where that came from but it’s immediately going in my toolkit

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@foxwounds It was actually pretty good

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I am deserving of good things. Roasted balsamic broccoli, pasta with homemade sauce, and chicken breast

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@michelleyroo2 I’ll make you a fresh batch

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I never really know what to do at any given moment, and my life is a direct consequence of that

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@igetsoinspired Happy Birthday!!