If we care about someone & wanna know more about their feelings & experience, we ask them about it & listen non-judgmentally. We gotta do exactly that w/ ourselves if we're wanna realistically level up our self-trust & self-esteem in trauma recovery.
Patience & grace, all day.
No skill we learn & no resource we access is going to replace the need for us to talk ourselves through triggers & trauma responses w/ compassion & patience-- & no trigger or stressor can take away the tool of skillful self-talk once we've consistently developed it.
Managing dissociative "parts" always starts w/ two questions: what does this part hold, & what does this part need?
"Parts" have no incentive to work w/ us, instead of against us, if we're not interested in what they're all about-- or only interested in "making" them "behave."
I raised again the need to establish a scheme to evacuate seriously injured Palestinian children from Gaza for treatment in our country. We introduced a scheme for Ukrainian children & to extend that scheme to children from Gaza would be a small but important act of humanity.
There is a real danger that Israel will turn Lebanon into another Gaza.
We need real action, not just words, from political leaders to force Israel to back a ceasefire.
That must include immediate trade sanctions and an end to all arms exports to Israel.
It's just not as simple as "relax, you don't have to achieve all the time to be worthy," when you were only shown positive attention when you achieved stuff growing up.
Our nervous system is actually afraid we'll be punished or abandoned if we take our foot off the gas.
You didn't "let" that trauma response "happen." Trauma responses aren't choices, they're reflexes. We become less vulnerable to trauma responses the more we work our recovery-- which DOES involve dozens of choices a day in how we talk to ourselves, eat, & behave toward ourselves.
Some stressors & triggers are gonna outstrip your current sklls or overwhelm your current strategies. It happens-- to everyone. Don't panic & don't overreact.
Take stock; take a breath; check in w/ all parts of yourself; & identify the next baby step to getting back on track.
The irony of the numbing and avoidance symptoms of trauma is that they're not about NOT caring-- they're about having cared so much, for so long, that our nervous system couldn't sustain it.
It's how you get enormously passionate people who now essentially feel dead inside.
Working our recovery means making changes in how we talk to ourselves, how we direct our mental focus, & how we breathe & use our body-- & we gotta get to a place where we can make those changes without shaming or denigrating ourselves for how we were operating before.
"Do not spend all your life playing it safe! Safety is very comfortable, but it may keep you from God's perfect plan for your life." -Joyce #JoyceQuote
Question we need to ask every day- every hour! -- in our trauma or addiction recovery: is this investment of time, energy, or money getting me closer to or further away from who I authentically am, & a life that's gonna actually make me look forward to getting up in the morning?
Being impatient & mean w/ ourselves isn't having "high standards." It's creating a relationship w/ ourselves that's gonna result in paralysis & self-hate.
How we talk to & behave toward ourselves, especially when we're struggling, are the most impactful decisions we make.
Maybe the most important recovery skill to master is talking to ourselves supportively & fairly, even (especially!) when we're disappointed in ourselves, mad at ourselves, or other times when our old conditioning wants us to just tear into, blame, shame, or hurt ourselves.
The nuts & bolts of trauma & addiction recovery are our choices about how we talk to ourselves; what we focus on; & how we breathe & use our body. There are endless variations, but EVERY emotional regulation or behavior change strategy comes down to some combination of those.
Four decades ago, miners like me were labelled ‘the enemy within’ by Thatcher. Today, the same rhetoric is being used against British Muslims and all supporters of Palestinian freedom, writes @IanLaveryMP.
https://t.co/tZ9KPYuIno
We are not doing anyone we love or any cause we care about any favors by putting our safety, stability, or sobriety at risk by exhausting or triggering ourselves in their service.
Real commitment to a person or purpose requires our intelligent, boundaried investment of energy.