softhands

[softhands @chatooti666]

Did they ever try Molly water for world peace?

[softhands @chatooti666]

I’ll take a 10/10 night out with my pals for $1000 please

[softhands @chatooti666]

Hiding an upper decky while talking to a family friend, only to realize you have a cigarette jammed in your bra strap in plain sight #gtg

[softhands @chatooti666]

As soon as I remembered I’m not a war veteran, fireworks
got so fun #happy4th

[softhands @chatooti666]

“You’re so hard to read” thanks it’s rooted in my intense desire to remain effortlessly ominous and whimsical

[softhands @chatooti666]

GIWECWH (god i wish Ernie clement was here)

[softhands @chatooti666]

Meteorologist is a fake job. I know you assholes are just guessing

[softhands @chatooti666]

Holding my uber drivers hand and giving him validation at each turn while he tries to navigate my hometown (it’s his first time driving a car)

[CTV Kitchener @CTVKitchener]

Lyme disease bacteria found in ticks in Waterloo Region https://t.co/kzzYOY3WYf

[softhands @chatooti666]

These little fires I keep putting out are starting to look like a dumpster fire and I’m not equipped for that #bubblewrapme

[softhands @chatooti666]

The grass is not greener on the other side. It’s actually piss yellow and begging for forgiveness

[softhands @chatooti666]

Whoever is playing with my voodoo doll, do us all a favour and sedate it for 4-7 business days I’m sick of this shit

[softhands @chatooti666]

You guys should try a lazy boy as a form of mattress it’s amazinggggg

[softhands @chatooti666]

Something about GMO blueberries really reminds me of the opioid crisis. They take advantage of people when they are most vulnerable

[softhands @chatooti666]

Being a celebrity would be cringe idk like being that famous with paparazzi and stuff kinda cringe

[softhands @chatooti666]

Apple Intelligence just AI summarized a rejection message with “no further dating potential” #saltinthewound #throatpunch #stings #opentopropositions

[softhands @chatooti666]

“you should definitely try microwaving this” (anytime someone hands me an inanimate object involving tin or metal)

[softhands @chatooti666]

Chat, how do I get Ernie Clement to fall in love with me? #erndog

[softhands @chatooti666]

Everytime society reminds me of Zooolander (2001 Comedy) you k ow exactly what I have to do #bricked

[softhands @chatooti666]

A double decker couch would solve all my problems