The malignant #narcissist’s strategy is to abuse you so much and so thoroughly that you’d never be able to explain to anyone the extent of the assault made against you; and even if you could, it’s unlikely that anyone would even believe you.
And this is why raising awareness is so important. It’s not just the survivors who need to understand this, it’s everyone.
When a narcissist realizes they can’t control you, their next move is to try to hurt you by controlling the narrative. They twist stories, play the victim, and convince others that you’re the problem, all because they lost control of you. It’s a deliberate attempt to rewrite the truth through manipulation.
🚩A narcissist will ask for examples of their asshole behavior and then accuse you of “living in the past” when providing examples.
Why do they do this?
It gives the impression they want to change but it’s a manipulation tactic to create conflict. Narcissists love when the focus is on them regardless of the reason. If you get upset, scream or cry they love it even more bc it means they got to you.
What can you do?
Don’t take their bait. I know it’s easier said than done sometimes.
Narcissists don’t just misremember—they reconstruct reality to suit their ego and narrative. It’s not about truth; it’s about control. If the real version of events makes them look bad, vulnerable, or wrong, they’ll edit the memory—intentionally or subconsciously—until it flatters them, justifies their actions, or demonizes someone else. They’ll gaslight you with that version, acting like you’re crazy or confrontational for remembering it differently.
It’s one of their most dangerous manipulations: rewriting history and then punishing you for not living in their revision.
Anyone who can be unkind to you while fully aware you’re dealing with death, illness, or profound stress isn’t just abusive, they’re showing you exactly how dark their character is.
Narcissists know exactly what they're doing-either they're sadistic enough to enjoy your pain or so delusional and grandiose that they genuinely
believe you deserved it.
Narcissists carefully control their image. To the public, they show charm, competence, and respectability. To their chosen targets, they reveal their cruelty—because that’s the part they really enjoy. They want their targets to see their true, nasty side, knowing it will provoke anger. Then, when the target finally speaks up, the narcissist is protected by the clean image they’ve built. The target looks like the unstable one, while the narcissist plays innocent.
When a narcissist says,
"I don't want to argue," what they often mean is, "Stop calling me out and let me do whatever I want without consequences." Their desire for "peace" is their way to avoid accountability.