Chip Ellis

Absurd Trump satire from his perspective

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

Mr President: @realDonaldTrump
I think you want what is best for America. I think you also want respect. I think you want to be loved like Ronald Reagan was and still is. You can be. To do this, you have to do what he did - STAND UP TO RUSSIA. He didn’t fear them. #STANDUP2PUTIN

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

Mr President: @realDonaldTrump
I think you want what is best for America. I think you also want respect. I think you want to be loved like Ronald Reagan was and still is. You can be. To do this, you have to do what he did - STAND UP TO RUSSIA. He didn’t fear them. #STANDUP2PUTIN

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

@realDonaldTrump
Please go back to where you came from... back to Queens to face justice from the Southern District of New York. #LockHimUp
#NoRonaldReagan #CantBlockMeNow

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

@realDonaldTrump
Please go back to where you came from... back to Queens to face justice from the Southern District of New York. #LockHimUp
#NoRonaldReagan #CantBlockMeNow

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

@realDonaldTrump

I wish your allies would say to you and everyone else:
“Mr. President, I served with Ronald Reagan. I knew Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan was a friend of mine. Mr. President, you’re no Ronald Reagan.” #NoRonaldReagan #CantBlockMeNow https://t.co/5Ntal2uKaQ

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

@realDonaldTrump

I wish your allies would say to you and everyone else:
“Mr. President, I served with Ronald Reagan. I knew Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan was a friend of mine. Mr. President, you’re no Ronald Reagan.” #NoRonaldReagan #CantBlockMeNow https://t.co/5Ntal2uKaQ

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

@realDonaldTrump Dear President Trump:
I wish you would try loving everyone else as much as you love yourself.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

The Vancouver air raid siren is just for the release of the Mueller report.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

Just like historians called Abraham Lincoln “Honest Abe,” my Presidential moniker should be “Ol’ Perfectly Stable Donald.”

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

Many people - famous, beautiful, rich, genius people - say that I was the most Presidential President of all time last year and I shouldn’t change from all my winning. Therefore my New Year’s resolution is to stay the same. Make Years New Again!

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

Everyone knows the story of Christmas - three wisemen came to visit baby Jesus who gave them a tax cut so they could keep more of their gold and myrrh. #MerryChristmasEveryone especially Jared and Ivanka.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

Many people ask why I never made my own breakfast cereal. I couldn’t come up with anything better than Mr. T cereal, which is just a bowl of the letter T’s.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

There are only 3 sources of real news: 1) Fox & Friends; 2) Sean Hannity; and 3) that lady who shouts about missile launches on North Korean TV.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

Did I retweet hateful, Islamophobic videos? Yes, however there is something I hate even more than religious freedom: vegetables.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

Everyone is talking about Trump-Russia collusion, but no one is investigating Washington-Prussia collusion behind the Treaty of Amity and Commerce of 1785. Unfair!

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

I’ve spoken with Ivanka & Melania about all these sexual harassment allegations, and they agree that now is the time for a frank national dialogue about cutting the corporate tax rate.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

My immigration policy is specifically designed to prevent “An American Tail” from happening in real life.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

Sad @Keurig won’t advertise with @seanhannity since it starts with my favorite letter - “K.” The Kaopectate folks will have to pick up the slack.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

I tried to flip off Kim Jong Un, but I forgot I had mittens on.

[Chip Ellis @chipellis]

My favorite emoji is CAPSLOCK.