Chris Bernhard

Life, love and everything in between. Live from Fulton St.

[Chris Bernhard @Chris_Bernhard]

@TylerHuckabee It’s like he’s Benjamin Buttoning with John Cooper of Skillet.

[Chris Bernhard @Chris_Bernhard]

@mattalbert23 @CMDeDominicis Not sure where this regression narrative came from. He hasn’t been an issue this year.

[Justin “Hoops” McElroy @JustinMcElroy]

I will say these crescent rolls have left my kitchen smelling aggressively Baptist

[richie owens @iamRichieOwens]

Ummmm, I just got my dream job!

[Sage Boggs @sageboggs]

OK, buckle up. I wanna talk to you about Triscuit.

[Herb Derbert @DerbertHerb]

Had the privilege of meeting the key note speaker, William Phillips, at the Annual Maintenance Supervisors Association meeting in Orlando. He invented the Phillips head screw driver. He says Pete Allen and David Slot-Flat are douche bags.

[Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna]

Mildred’s cat, Mildred, is missing.

On a related note, Mildred named her cat Mildred.

Which is probably why the cat left in the first place.

[Chris Bernhard @Chris_Bernhard]

@UToledo @griffinmcelroy

[jared ayers @jaredrayers]

Making plans with that special someone for Valentines Day tomorrow? #AshWednesday! https://t.co/U0j0lhL3PX

[Justin “Hoops” McElroy @JustinMcElroy]

One last thing, @AuntieAnnes, we share one heart, but please stop having your employees ask me if I have your app when I’m trying to grub. I will never have your app, you are pretzels

[Charlie Daniels @CharlieDaniels]

Hey Taco Bell
The Illuminati is not a frivolous subject

[Independence LED @IndependenceLED]

To help educate inner city students, we are pledging $50 of energy savings for every Retweet this gets! Please forward this along to help charter schools reduce costs and increase learning opportunities. More:https://t.co/IsHULDSoCg RT !!!

[Travis McElroy (Self Parody) @travismcelroy]

Why did the horses get a try at putting Humpty Dumpty back together? The fuck were they gonna to do? Are horses known for puzzle skills?

[Justin “Hoops” McElroy @JustinMcElroy]

If you wait for lightning to strike, you’ll wait forever. Time and time again I’ve found, creativity favors those who show up.

[Justin “Hoops” McElroy @JustinMcElroy]

Some of us are just trying to keep humanity on the rails and some of us are Cracker Barrel.

[jared ayers @jaredrayers]

Occasionally (especially when it's 1,000 degrees in Jul/Aug in #PHL), I miss living in MI. But then... https://t.co/exYSxQeVeY

[Justin “Hoops” McElroy @JustinMcElroy]

I'd skew towards the first option, but it IS kind of wack that Wonka brought in four additional kids to ... sacrifice?

[mango dad @mangodad]

eating a mango and playing online poker. guy in the game chat keeps calling me a pussy.... I will find where you live sexhawk37 you bastard