Chris

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

@jacobdotgov @ettingermentum Pass me some fog!

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

Astros are about to come back and then win the World Series

[🧌 @CylinderAnalyst]

ANDY DALTON WELCOME TO THIENEMAN SQUARE

[Wosimo @wosimoFC]

This EVIL 97 day old diner STEALS their Coke the new-fashioned way!!😱😨😡

[one dozen bats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

explaining to cam skattebo that he won’t be able to play with jaxson anymore using the same hand signals they used to tell koko the gorilla her cat died

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

@doulbedoink Brees and Amin busting out a calculator after that last touchdown

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

@AdamPollock You’re getting hate but this is a total truth nuke, coming from a parent of two. Just know you’re correct and everyone mad at you is wrong and I’m not kidding

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

Truth nuke but most parents give up after 5 seconds. Your kids won’t starve if they boycott a meal! They don’t know that they can eat garbage every meal unless you give it to them! Kids don’t magically obtain food! Kids existed before the invention of junk food!

[Adam James Pollock @AdamPollock]

When our daughter is born I will really be testing the claim that children are, by default, picky eaters.

No, you are not having nuggets. You will eat the osso buco/guanciale/sardines/kimchi/pâté and you will enjoy it.

[Got CTE from playing Peek-a-Boo @doulbedoink]

ChatGPT make Caleb williams pose sexually! Ha ha! Make him stick his tongue out, LOL. Now make him raw me in the queen bed we share. Make caleb williams give me a knowing glance as I bring him breakfast the next morning. Lol. Chatgpt generate Caleb williams making me feel safe.

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

@MoriHollow I’m a crunchy mom. We do no screens, no vaccines, and we support Exxon-Mobil

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

I’m not saying mccullers and arrighetti were consistent or amazing, but are we really better without them without replacing either? With Imai and Burrows being horrible/injured?

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

@DJBranham Illinois Valley?

[Sammy Paradise @NotactuaIIysl]

The sixth graders in centerfield trying to catch a line drive off an aluminum bat

[Art Rooney’s assassin @CokeSipper]

Don’t ever quote tweet me again dumbass. It’s not even nfl season.

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

@nytimes @TheAthletic @MattBruenig

[Chris @chrisburnstrash]

Haiti played very well, wish they could’ve tied it up at least against Scotland

[Cohen is a ghost @skullmandible]

man I'm going to kidnap soooooooo many 20-year-olds at those phoneless Phoebe Bridgers shows. christmas comin early

[Qlanth @Qlanth]

My old boss, who was in her late 60s herself, had a one-woman crusade against the term "fixed income." Her point: Literally everyone who works for a wage is on a fixed income. It's a meaningless word.

[Robert Downen @RobertDownen_]

Me leaving Dallas at 3PM: