bramblepelt

Do not fish here. A living sin against aesthetics. Unrepentantly strange. Are you going to eat that? She/Her.

[bramblepelt @cipcakes]

The bra I'm wearing has so much underwire that when I move it creaks like a spooky old tree.

[Connor Daley @ConnorDaleyVT]

🎶
I’m a bitch
I’m an orca
Sinking yachts
Just off Majorca
I’m a sinner
I’m a whale
Imma hit you with my tail

[bramblepelt @cipcakes]

@BobbyBigWheel Absolutely solid list.

[Dan @dankgdl]

Once before class my friend said to me "time to clean house" and walked into the class his brother was in and just kicked him in the nuts

[bramblepelt @cipcakes]

@CatsOfYore My dilute calico Blanche is a love bug and a little mischief-maker. She likes to be the little spoon. Each cat is wonderful and unique. They all have their own personalities.

[bramblepelt @cipcakes]

@ggerlock @IAGovernor @IowaPublicRadio I hate her so much. She's destroying my home state. I've always been proud of my Iowa public school education. My rural school did a fantastic job in the 90's.

[bramblepelt @cipcakes]

@micabebecca @Baileymoon15 To be fair, your glasses are very cute!!

[Stefan Bielik @prstskrzkrk]

I didn't know Miss World was a thing still, but I've been watching how the French woman introduces herself for about half an hour

[Jorts (and Jean) @JortsTheCat]

Happy crimmis. Merry crisis

[Sarah Fili @SarahFiliTV]

#BREAKING: Two Omaha Police officers are placed on administrative leave as the @FBIOmaha serves warrants related to @PACEOmaha. Two addresses were listed, one belongs to a building owned by PACE, the other to city Councilman Vinny Palermo.

[bramblepelt @cipcakes]

@cat_beltane One time my bag was selected so they could dump out and sort thru all my Magic cards. 10 decks. I wanted to scream.

[bramblepelt @cipcakes]

@amypurls Depends on if it's windy or not! 🥶

[Matt. @MattTheBrand]

weighted blankets are not enough. hit me with a shovel

[bramblepelt @cipcakes]

All the people in this thread saying it should only apply if the mother is married might want to think about domestic violence for half a second.

[Anthony Pompliano 🌪 @APompliano]

Every Hungarian woman who gives birth to and raises at least 4 children receives a lifetime exemption from paying personal income tax.

Government incentives to increase national birth rates are just beginning.

[DaveHolmes.bsky.social @DaveHolmes]

“Is that the Wright Brothers’ plane? Sure is, and inside we see Rascal Flatts and Jessie J, singing their rendition of Silver Bells with their friend Funky Winkerbean, as they pay tribute to batteries.” This is all my brain can do after watching the thanksgiving parade.

[zoë ✨🌙 @zoenone0none]

so when kissinger dies i'm just supposed to run through the streets hollering until someone responds? i'm supposed to fire my war criminal jokes off to randoms with no curation?

[Enrique Shockwave @UNDEADTRESOR]

I'm not thankful for shit. Life is a carnival of pain. I wish death would pull me into sweet oblivion. Shout out to my cat Buttons.

[patrick "inverted vibe curve" blanchfield @PatBlanchfield]

dont worry even if Twitter goes away your brain will still be permanently broken by it. you'll take up sewing but try to thumb refresh your sampler. you'll do improv but say "well actually" instead of "yes and." you'll hallucinate a "this 👇" floating over people as they talk

[Los Angeles Chargers @chargers]

if this is really it imma find my wife and head to pf changs

[For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn. (Baby is dead.) @LeHarrumph]

PHIL COLLINS: Here tonight is the man who inspired my next song, "Fat Shithead Clogged My Toilet."
[spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]