clark brooks

I'm a writer, comedian and an ordained minister. Seriously. he/him

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

I've now authored two books and you can find both of them here: https://t.co/SrCN4BoEoe

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

Hey @elonmusk, fuck you and your diseased platform.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

In a world that has enthusiastically embraced narcissism, intolerance, hubris and bombast at the expense of grace, civility, honor, modesty, empathy and accountability I have nothing to contribute.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@CrippleThreat8 I don’t know about politics but good ol’ Dickfart U has a heckuva football team this year.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

Lots of irony in last night’s World Series Game 5, not the least of which is the fact that pitchers covering 1st on grounders to the right side is one of the first things teams work on at spring training every year.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

I’ll just say as a comedian, it’s never good when a booker tells the crowd that they don’t think you’re funny either.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

I met Arnold Palmer once when I was younger. I never saw his penis and yet I was able to form the opinion that he seemed like a very nice man.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@DrewOnTheRadio And can you believe the hurricane was a week ago???

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

Even the way they destroy guitars is weird

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@FlavorFlav @PopBase And a hobby

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@MrChuckD I’m just impressed that you kept them!

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@ThatEricAlper All of these factors not directly attributed to Ticketmaster are influenced and driven by what Ticketmaster has done. Yes, other parties are getting a taste but they’re competing over what’s left behind by Ticketmaster.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

You go, @AnnCoulter! Get them clicks!

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@elonmusk Oh yeah. Of all the rebellious billionaires out there, you’re clearly the most rebellious 🙄

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@MittenDAmour Five guys short of a lacrosse team.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@roywoodjr I turned Black the day I was playing loudly outside with my friend and his mom yelled at him to get his DBA inside. I made the mistake of laughing and she said, “you too, Clark.”

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@CrippleThreat8 I think we need to ask what the couch was wearing at the time because that’s a valid factor to consider.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@LangForOhio Your response to being overexcited during a public speaking engagement is to call for Civil War?

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@ask_aubry This guy doesn’t know anything about sex or baseball.

[clark brooks @clarkbrooks]

@ACatNamedMo Gunther got his blue checkmark though, so he probably won’t respond. 🙄